My thoughts and feelings

welcome.

Whats on my mind you ask?

Well...

A lot really,

My mind is one strange place, full of mythical creatures, magic ... the dirty from time to time.

But the one thing that is always lingering around is a boy, or boys, there's usually more than one type of guy in there.

One is for the adventures, another for the magic and another for creatures and love.

I'm always imagining people with random things, like wings, as different beasts, with elemental powers and a shit ton more.

Honestly it's hard to say what I think about, it's so messed up and weird that forming it into words makes me sound like I have something wrong with my mental health.

There's this one stage (?) that my mind goes through so often that I don't even realise it! That is pure emptiness. Nothing. Zero. My mind is blank 70% of the time, just listening to people's conversations, listening to the sound of nature and screaming 12 year old's over seagulls.

When my mind is blank it gives me a sense of peace, not worrying about the homework due in next lesson or if I've eaten enough calories to gain more weight.

People explain their happy places as their bedrooms, waterfalls, nature, playing video games, but for me, is an empty mind, free from worry and stupid thoughts.

As much as I like a carefree mind, I always enjoy imagining myself in different situations and saying things I would never say in real life. This one time in lunch I was sitting with my friends eating my ham and cheese panini and this dick from the table next to us (he's is the same age as us, a popular guy) was repeatedly saying my name, being pissed of already I turned around asked him what he wanted, "oi *my name* can I have some of your panini?" rolling my eyes I turned back around ignoring him, but he wouldn't stop asking me for my food so I turned back around and said "no, you cant." Going into my next lesson I imagined myself saying something different like "can you fuck of Tayte?" or "no you fucking cant" I even saw myself showing him the finger, but you see, I'm a pussy, I'm scared of people of a higher status than me or people I don't know. I know, such a stupid thing to think about but I'm just that kind of person that thinks about everything, no matter how small or dumb. Other times instead of saying stuff I would imagine we all have powers and I would burn his styled hair or create water out of nowhere and splash him with it.

I always have really good story ideas too, once I try to create my thoughts to words it just doesn't work, maybe I don't have enough ambitious words to use or I'm not capable of changing thoughts to words, I don't know, but I try as hard as I can, I don't care of people don't read my stuff but I'm happy that I'm able to read my mind and never forget the amazing adventures I have. Life is so cruel, so dull, people are dying of wars everyday, people lose loved ones and even commit suicide. I have enough of reality because my body is a stick, I'm ugly, I have crazy headaches and dizziness for weeks, I fail all my exams no matter how much fucking I revise, I cry myself to sleep sometimes for days on end, my parents piss me off no matter what they do. Another thing that brings me peace and happiness is music, music is a gift for god, being able to express yourself through music, let your doubts wash away with music. pure heaven in such a simple thing.

This is it for today, I might write something more later because its only 9 am and I have a full days worth of thoughts. I will try to write everyday, not a defiant , but yeah.

See ya soon!!!!!

  This entire post has 666 words, not counting this part.