Catharsis

Light Switch

A tribute to my ex-bestfriends...

Have you ever felt like no one is there for you during those hard and rough days of your life?

The feeling of loneliness.

The feeling of an endless pit of darkness and you're waiting for someone to open the lights. But the problem is that no one is there. See, why wait for someone who is not there?

The feeling of not having someone is worse than having an empty stomach. See, your stomach is empty unlike the complete feeling of emptiness itching on your skin, the feeling of cold air nipping at you making that faucet open and tears escape your eyes. It's the complete feeling of emptiness in your life. Empty, but heavy...

You feel so empty that it is almost like your drifting off into a dark void. It is like a fog in your head, so thick you can't even see your own hands in front of you. And who would dare walk in the dark to save you or to come to you? When they themselves are in their own void...

Life is what? Confusing? Complicated? Call it names I say its reality.

Life likes throwing rocks at us. Crowded on our feet, stopping us from moving, but how can you move when you can't even breathe?!

But I have been taught that I should never give up, and for me to have fortitude in life. someone have made me recognize that life is a big bubble of challenge, and we are inside that bubble. Life throwing problems at us, that only we can unlock. It is something that only we can solve. We know it's a problem, so then we know that it has a solution, right?

They also taught me that in life people would say things to you, make you believe in things you shouldn't. You think it's a problem I know it is a challenge.

Taught me that no matter how people may bring you down, pulling you back down there. But just remember, that there will always be people who will also bring you back up.

Even taught me that, we are the captain of our soul. I am the captain of my life. Why would I let other people tell me what to do, what not to do when I myself know what I can do?!...

I have myself.

Now don't you dare say to me that I am alone whenever I feel empty, because I have me, I have myself. I still have me. I may not have you or them, but I have me, I'm still here.

And I can be my own light switch...

To be honest, She have taught me something very special. That if I want to be someone. Be that person. Don't let other people control you. To, not let them make you into someone else, that I should not let others tell me to be like this person, be like you, be like them, be like someone else, be someone I'm not. Be this perfect little pinky princess. She made me realize that. Because if I am too busy trying to be someone else then who is gonna be me?!

He made me realize that life is not life, without problems, troubles, struggles. He made me realize that I won't know what life is if I don't know what problems are. The same way he taught me success. Success is not built on success, its built on failure, frustration, sometimes its built on catastrophe. See, you won't know success if you don't know failure.

I felt like a failure. Back from then, until now.

I feel like a failure.

And I still remember the names my classmates and schoolmates would throw at me, coughing on their hands saying those names quickly as I pass by them. I still remember the names, the words. And I hear them day and night, over and over, again and again and again, never twice, not even once stopping. I started to believe in their words. And it stuck to me, it stuck to me like a leech.

Latch on to me like my skin. It is forever there. And I try so hard to be one of the "smart students" to be a part of the top students. To be everyone's favourite, be someone that everyone loves! Be someone that my parents expect me to be. And even if I am drowning from all of the expectations, and I still do, I still give my whole best, my very everything just to please them, for them to be proud of me. I never hear them talking about me with their friends or relatives, probably ashamed of me, of how of a big failure I am.

But then after watching and knowing the lives of others, made me think to myself. That all failures, have its own unique fruit of success. With that thought in mind, I started to think that I may be a failure now. But someday I will become the greatest success of my parents, the greatest success to my parents.

Just a reminder, very special reminders, that you should never give up, that you must have grit in you. Life may throw problems at you, but you can mend it. You know it's a problem therefore you know that it has a way to fix it, to make it better. 

"Mistakes are proof that you are trying.."

Life may be filled with problems and you may feel like a failure. But these failures are your accomplishments! You can't accomplish success without having the accomplishment of failures. Like knowing life, you won't know what life is if you don't know what it brings. Living life and accomplishing success is not a walk in the park, because for you to achieve something, you have to work for it first. It will only be a dream, unless you work for it.

For the last part of this message to anyone who is reading this, don't ask me questions to clarify if I am gonna be my own light switch, because I can. What you should be asking, is who will be your own light switch.

(HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS AND THANK YOU FOR READING)