Stealing Your Villain (A Batjokes Story)

1 - A Tough Defeat

      Joker angrily tapped his foot. He was waiting on top of a giant Macy's Parade style balloon, waiting for his Batman. The balloon had taken several days to make, and the clown was very proud of his work. However, Batman still hadn't shown up, even though the balloon had been terrorizing the city for about 3 hours. Batman hardly ever took this long to thwart one of his schemes, even on his busier days. At that point, Joker would've been surprised if Batman came at all. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of black, and the clown instantly perked up. He adjusted his tie and bounced down the balloon.

     "Well, look who finally came to stop me! Are you ready to fall at the knees of Gotham's greatest villain?" Joker asked, getting into his usual mood.

     "Look, Joker. There are about five other crimes going on at the moment. Let's just do this quickly," Batman said to the Joker, a tired expression planted on his face. Joker tried to hide his immense disappointment.

      "Well, you can try, but this balloon is filled with poisonous laughing gas! Once it pops, the citizens of Gotham will become crazed and hysteric, just like moi," Joker explained, plastering on the best smile he could conjure.

      Batman, with no trace of interest in his face, cut the ropes that were keeping the balloon to the ground. He then took out a grappling hook and pulled himself to the top of the nearest building, leaving Joker on the ground. The hero grabbed ahold of the balloon's leg and pushed him straight into the sky. Once the balloon was high enough in the sky and there were no airplanes in sight, Batman pulled out a t-shirt shooter that he had redesigned to shoot batarangs, and shot one at the balloon in the sky. The balloon obviously popped, and the skin of what the balloon used to be fell to the ground. Batman quickly picked up the pieces and threw them away. Once that was done, he ran to a bank that was being robbed.

     The gas that was in the balloon lingered in the air around the clouds. Joker figured that it would spread or evaporate before it reached the ground. That meant that the past week spent planning, designing, constructing, filling, and painting were all undone in a matter of minutes. Joker cursed himself for not thinking of some backup plan, so that he and Batman could spend some together. He hadn't though, so the Joker was left by himself in the middle of the street, hugging himself out of loneliness. He walked over to the trash where the balloon pieces were and took them out. Even though they now smelled like discarded cups of coffee and banana peels, he shoved them in his pocket. He wanted to be reminded that at least someone had given a crap about the balloon, even if it wasn't the intended audience.

      The Joker solemnly dragged his feet back to his secret warehouse. He plopped down face-first into the nearest sofa and groaned. This had to be one of the most embarrassing crimes he had ever committed! And to think that he had been so proud of it and so certain that it would impress Batman. Nothing surprised Batman anymore! No matter how hard Joker tried to be new and inventive, he was still just another check on Batman's to-do list, something that he had to get done by the end of the day. Disheartening couldn't begin to describe how Joker was feeling. He needed someone to talk to right now. Harley was busy, and the rest of the villains probably were too, so he called the head of Arkham Asylum.

        "This is Arkham Asylum speaking, what matter are you calling about?" the person on the other line asked.

         "Hi, someone has broken something of mine," Joker responded, cleverly leaving out what his name was.

          "That's awful, sir. I don't believe that's necessarily something to call the asylum about, though. May I suggest the police?" the person told the Joker.

        "But it was my balloon! In the process, he broke my heart as well!" Joker whined.

        "Your balloon? Wait a minute, are you the Joker?" the person asked.

        "He never acknowledges me anymore! How am I supposed to get excited to do my job if he isn't excited about my job?" Joker complained, ignoring the person's question.

        "Where are you? I'm going to have you arrested for your crimes!" the person yelled into the other line.

       "I really care about his opinion, you know? I just hope he doesn't consider me as a bug flying around his face," Joker continued his rant. 

      At that point, the person on the phone had gotten up to talk to her boss about the issue. When the boss heard that it was Joker on the other end, he became nervous that it was a ransom or something like that. Then he heard the clown had been whining about his relationship problems, and the boss had become half relieved and half annoyed. This had been the fourth instance of Joker doing this in this month alone. He would've suggested a therapist, yet Harley was living proof that that was a bad idea. Instead, he told his phone worker to hang up on Joker, which the worker gladly did. Joker hadn't stopped talking even after the person left, but he did stop when she hung up.

      The clown groaned and threw the phone over his shoulder. Not only was his enemy and his friends ignoring him for no reason, now random people on the phone were! Did anyone care for him in this cruel, cruel world? Well, he was a villain, so it wasn't like he was begging for friends. Then again, Batman used to tolerate him, which meant that he wasn't totally good guy proof. But that was the thing, he used  to tolerate him. He just needed someone to care about him again in the same way that Batman used to.

    Suddenly, Joker got an idea.

Author's Note:

     Yay, I'm back for another Batjokes story! Now, I should warn you that this will be a lot shorter than my other story and I may not update as much, so don't be too disappointed.  I hope you guys like what you get, though! Trust me, the plot will be kicking in next chapter. Until then, be patient and positive!