CROSSDRESSER

The Beginning

David had longed to be a women sometimes, ever since he was 16, his mind always went back to the thought of acting like the opposite sex and wearing a bra, panties, dresses, high heels. But never had he really gotten the full experience, sometimes when his mother was out at work or out with friends he snuck into her took and tried on her clothes and put on makeup, always trying to make himself look like a real female. He dreamed of having breasts, dreamed of having a feminine smile or face, but the thing is he didn't always feel like this. He chose not to tell his parents about these feelings since they were "phases" is what he called them, every so often he would feel like his normal sex, and then he would feel like he wanted to be a women. A contemplation he had was, "do I want surgery?" To fully transform himself into his dream image, but the thought of never turing back kept him in his place, as if he had two personalities  debating over his decisions of life. He often had requested to see his therapist to discuss somethings, and often would tend to ramble on about how he felt and how much he wanted to be free from his body at times. Everything to him seemed hard from trying to find out who he really was as a person.

David had to live with the pain of keeping his feelings inside for so long, hiding the truth from his family who he knew would disown him saying that he needed help, or that it was against their religion, but the different thing was he was told you can never full change your sex, its in your DNA, and he knew that, but he saw it as expressing a different side of yourself, he knew he could never fully be a women and that on the inside he would always be a male, but yet he wanted to be a women on the outside.

He felt as if sometimes when he looked in the mirror he was trapped inside some sort of fleshy shell that he was unable to change or escape from, almost as if he was forever doomed to this one body that would someday give out on him. He wanted to live his life to the fullest all the time, yet the thought of having only one scared him. He could only live on life, and he could never be how he truly felt that he wanted to be.

Years went by for David, going to school felt like a broken record player and he got tired of it. He eventually got a job at a graphic design studio for a game company, a dream of his, and soon he dropped out of college because of his success. He made enough money to move into an apartment which he did as soon as possible leaving his parents behind him, but never forgetting them, he never told them his feelings because he never wanted to hurt them. He was alone, by himself in his new home, he got situated and waited a few days. Then he decided to act, getting out his laptop, then went on the internet to shop.