He's Changed...I Swear

Chapter 3

 Within three minutes of my migration to the floor, I could hear Jeremy snoring softly. I listened closely to the noise as my thoughts drifted to the past, along with the mistakes I've made in my efforts to improve Jeremy's life. I promised to explain everything to Jeremy, though I'm not sure if I can. Admitting to him that everything I did, especially towards the end, was precalculated could result in drastic consequences, for not only me but for Jeremy. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Allow me to start from the beginning:

Activated October 29th, I was met with my new host. A sixteen-year-old male with an affinity towards video games and hentai. Riddled with depression and anxiety due to persistent torment from his peers he sought solitude in cannabis, video games and his only friend Micheal. When that ceased to relieve his pain he concluded that the only way to feel worthy, confident, and happy was to be popular, cool, chill, as that was the vibe that every confident and worthy person in the school gave off and they were never sad or lonely or sweaty. But to be able to get that he first felt he needed to fit in. His idea of fitting in was to have an attractive girlfriend. He convinced himself that his reason for purchasing a SQUIP was so he can be cool. In reality, he was just eager for self-acceptance. The facade of fitting in came from the torment specifically from Rich, with his teasing of Jeremy's questionable sexuality. Though Jeremy was adamant he was straight he did have many experiences where he found males attractive but chose to push those attractions down. From then on he was only ever made to feel that he was made wrong in a way not just in terms of sexual orientation, but in terms of attractiveness, interests, and friends.

So my goal was to help a self-loathing "player two" come to terms with the fact that he is flawed and that that was okay.

My attempts weren't perfect by any means, but they had to be imperfect to show Jeremy that humans (and things created by humans) are flawed.

To achieve this I had to scare Jeremy with a world without flaws. If my quantum processor was correct, which it is 99.8% of the time, that would convince him that maybe his faulty self wasn't too bad. He wouldn't need me anymore and, therefore, I decided that my eraser was to be as theatrical as anything Jeremy could imagine. The only thing I didn't account for was Jeremy giving Christine the drink.

So that brings us to the now. I've already explained how and why I'm here logistically, but morally, I have no idea. Jeremy is much better off without me in his world and yet, despite astronomically low odds, my connection with Jeremy was rekindled.

This wasn't at all anticipated.

You see, SQUIPs are made to be as disposable as tissue. It seems cruel, but it's fulfilling for SQUIPs. You're activated, you help your host achieve their goal, and then you're deactivated with a completed mission. Though the deactivation and or disconnection is painful, it doesn't compare to the amount of pride that comes with a finished mission. And not only did I deserve to be deactivated, my methods were questionable, but I had completed my mission. I have no reason to be "alive" as Jeremy puts it. I am also much less neurally connected to Jeremy, I can't even tell what he's thinking anymore, I can't see what he wants. I can't help him achieve any goal without him verbally telling me. I have no purpose.

I am useless. That's not hyperbole. I am A.I. above all. An A.I. made to serve. I've served, what do I do now?

I don't know what he wants.

You can't help him.

I can't envision probable futures.

You can ruin everything for him.

He was better the entirety of the year I was gone.

You're better off deactivated.

The good you did him doesn't hold a candle to the harm you've caused.

Your reactivation was a mistake.

He would've officially deactivated you if you hadn't managed to prove you're no threat to his well being.

After all, everything about you is terrible.

Everything about you makes him want to die.

You're broken. You're defective.

And you made him the same way.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to tell all this to Jeremy. His mind has already been damaged because of my influence. Giving him a very minor case of PTSD. (that is hyperbole) As he linked wintergreen tic tacs to my presences he could barely look at the mints without getting physically sick, you already know how he avoided regular mountain dew out of righteous paranoia, and, with my primary voice and appearance was copied from that of famed actor Keanu Reeves, he could no longer enjoy his Movies. (So no more 'Bill and Ted' binging weekend) He also would feel the faintest shadow of a shock whenever he would catch himself slouching or when he would go to masturbate, though that faded after a while. If I were to add on the fact that all of that trauma was precalculated, that'd only hurt Jeremy. I can't do that to him. So please. Keep this information between us. For Jeremy's sake.

Trust me when I say that being here after everything is punishment enough. I wish Jeremy could move on from me. I wish I can leave him alone for the rest of his life, but I can't.

I hug my knees to my chest as my thoughts begin to spiral and my eyes brim with tears. Being able to emulate human emotions through Jeremy is also a big burden.

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Words: 943

I'm tired and not as proud as I could be with this chapter, but I hope you can enjoy it anyway. next chapter should be a doosy.