Time of Scorn

Chapter 6: cataloguing feelings

"Levi, put that catalogue up and come help me slice these pears," Anatoly ordered from the kitchen.

"Give me five minutes," he called. "I'm almost done with this section and I don't want to lose my place."

He glanced up from his seat on the couch and gave Anatoly a wide grin. She usually relented when he did so. And sure enough, she rolled her eyes and let him continue working on his holo-rib.

Since Dashiell had pulled Levi from botany once, Levi wanted to get their records and system in order. It should have been done after Landing Day, but of course Levi kept putting it off. Now, he wanted to have the seed catalogue for Harper, and he wanted to build a growing plan for botany. They needed more people, he thought. Alcott was in charge of flowers and projects, Levi worked paperwork and Winston and Dumas spent their time pruning and harvesting. But Winston was going to start joining expeditions and Alcott would be on maternity leave soon. That didn't lessen the need for more produce for the base to eat and more grasses for the animals to consume. And Wright wanted to move outside where he'd need to build an ecosystem from the ground up.

Levi hoped one day that he could still be botany's department head, thought he knew that they'd have to wait for the mess with archives to calm down. He'd take the whole department to the lake, build shelter and stay out of politics.

"All done," he said, finishing the last three entries of the P section of the catalogue. "I'm over halfway."

"That's good," Anatoly told him. "Now stop working. Get in here, tell me about the baskets tournament."

She handed him a knife and the last three pears and Levi balanced himself before placing the crutches off to one side. He shared the bracket system and how the games were being run with food and drink offered for the bystanders. He suspected that, like Alcott, Anatoly had difficulty being in that room. He didn't blame her; she had watched many of her friends and colleagues die.

"It seems like Tyson is paying for this out of his own pocket," Levi remarked. "That seems wrong, but I don't know who would have the budget for it. Maybe people could chip in, like with Alcott's garden?"

"Probably, but the base should have a stipend for him," Anatoly scoffed. "I'll bring it up again at our next congress meeting. Ah, now you have me talking about work. How was Dylan? You said she was winning? Why didn't you stay?"

Levi rolled a shoulder. "It seemed awkward. I can't play and the others know that. And so when I sit there, it's like people are pitying me? I know it seems like I'm reading into it, but the crutches are so obvious."

"Speaking of, Madison mentioned that you were getting out of the braces. I thought I would have heard that from you first, Levi. You haven't even told Alcott? She's the one who made you take the appointment in the first place."

"I just don't want to get my hopes up," he admitted. "I don't want people to be excited for me and then nothing come of it." He looked down at his feet, not daring to even shift his weight lest he fall over. "And I have a lot of therapy to go. Please don't spread the word; I'll talk to Madison and Blair, but I just don't want people to believe I'll get better if they just wish hard enough. You know?"

Anatoly placed her hand on his shoulder. "I understand," she said softly. "But Madison wouldn't have said something if she wasn't certain. I think you should let people know. You know Alcott would only be encouraging, she's not going to be disappointed in you."

"If I didn't know any better, I would say you were trying to set us up," Levi observed, trying to shift the subject.

Anatoly reflected. "I am, a little. You and Dylan will take more time than either of you can put into the relationship right now. Alcott and you make each other better, and you need that right now."