blind - owen teague | ✔️

6. Speak Of The Devil...

The routine was interrupted about a week later, or so I'm told by Anisa one morning after Owen came in for his annual drinking of my juice box.

Surprisingly, he hadn't been caught yet and that was good, so I decided that I didn't mind him coming in to do so.

Another day of sitting up in complete darkness, unaware of what time, or day it was began as I heard the newly familiar clicking of Anisa coming in to the room. I sighed and looked over in the direction as the door opened and shut.

"[F/n]? Your mom is here."

That was a shock to my entire system. I just got a routine. I was just becoming used to all this.

"Wh-what?" I managed to ask as my fingers searched for comfort in Owen's blanket. Owen. He'd be coming in sometime soon.

"She said she was sorry she hadn't had a chance to come see you yet. Busy with work, and all." She explained and it clicked. She was avoiding seeing me, but the guilt became too much.

I nodded and suddenly, I wasn't very hungry, not at all. I didn't want to eat and I didn't want to see her. I wasn't holding a grudge and I had to forgive her for this accident, but I didn't even feel up to it. I didn't want to think about what led to me being here.

"Tell her I don't want to see her." I want to see Owen.

"Well, dear, I'm afraid you won't be seeing anyone for a while." She joked, and as much as I didn't want to smile, it crept onto my face.

"I don't want to talk to her." I elaborated and my heart fluttered with excitement, my stomach empty but I definitely didn't want to eat. I wanted to see. I wanted my sight that I'd taken for granted for so long back.

I had to stop dwelling on it.

She offered breakfast, which I politely declined and she left more little juices. Now, for as long as I live, juice would remind me of him.

I laid back down, waiting in hopes for Owen to return. It was Saturday, as told to me previously by Anisa. It was early, as found by her offering of breakfast. I had a semi-good grasp of time with this routine. That was one stable thing right now in my life.

I focused on the blanket that was keeping me warm over the thermal, uncomfortable hospital one. I slid my fingers over it. It felt like velvet, but softer and more flexible, like the down of a bird.

It was like those couches that you rub and the fabric turns a different shade, back and forth. It was warm, smelled inviting with that light, almost minty cologne he had. It was warm and as far as I knew, it had been on his bed.

His looks were a mystery. I craved what he looked like. I needed to know what it was that made him captivating. He was a scattered puzzle and I didn't have the pieces to complete him.

Where was he?

I missed him.

The longer I waited, the more my doubt slowly leaked in. My chest was empty and my stomach ached for food I'd denied in a racy manner, in a naïve want of someone's company.

I was slowly realizing I had become dependent on someone I didn't know, someone I couldn't see.

I had never, ever became this dependent in my entire life. I felt betrayed by his kindness, his quirkiness, his odd choice of likes.

I felt betrayed by the fact I had no control anymore, I had become dependent on anyone who would talk to me.

I couldn't help but develop a connection with everyone who came to me to disguise the fact I couldn't see. Perhaps it was that fact that made it easier, so much more real, so much more raw. It was new. It was odd, but I happened, like a lightning surge.

It was like an ink pen had busted and the ink painted me blue from the inside out. It was the first time I had felt so used. It was raw. It was real. Everything felt blue, and poisoned and affected. My heart clamped with each thump.

I was out of my zone. This was the twilight zone and my life was the only one affected. I was in some oblivion. This was an empty black void.

This was what the ultimate torture was. Letting yourself get hurt. This was it. This was slowly killing yourself. Bound to happen when you couldn't control it, when you craved love like the sun gave out heat and when you were frozen and everyone else was warm.

I don't know how long I sat like that, frozen in hurt and shock and self pity at my own mistake. Alone, ever since he walked in my room with an expletive.

It was new. I wanted life to stop so I could wrap my head around this stupid mess that was going on. I don't know why I feel what I feel, but I feel too much.

Eventually, I slipped into a dream. It was the only time now I saw pictures, like blurry movies of myself I couldn't control. It was far too much. I needed a break.

But life didn't give out breaks.

Life kicked you while you're down, for fun, for its own kicks. Life decided when you got up and decided when you put down. It was all on it. You had no control.

Waking up, I didn't feel refreshed. I felt sluggish and dehydrated. I rolled onto my back. My hand patted around for the juice box on my bedside and found it empty. My hand papped lightly to be careful of any sharp objects and soon slid over a sleek surface, and a ridgy, small circle as I trailed down. A phone. An iPhone. It couldn't be mine. Anisa's, maybe?

Where the hell is my juice box?

My fingers continued on until I felt the lamp I didn't use and I trailed my fingertips back in search of the cardboard box with the drink in it, but found empty, smooth space.

It was gone. Did she take it back when she saw I was as asleep? She had never done that before.

A sudden sipping sound echoed by me.

"Looking for something, [F/n]?"