Juxtapose

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…(takes deep breath)..AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

:::CRAAASH!!!:::

Deadpool collides with an apartment building shattering and bursting through one of the unit’s windows, he tech rolls on the carpet and clumsily tumbles into the base of a sofa chair. Shooting back up to regain his composure he races toward the window and stares out in awe

:::KERPLOUUUUGH:::

A giant explosion a few buildings down litters the skyline with fire and shrapnel, Deadpool gazes on relieved as he poses in front of the window with his hands resting on his hips. (THUD) A metal lamp flies at Deadpool’s head from behind without warning, it knocks the mischievous mercenary unconscious as he falls over like a stone statue.

(raspy groan)

“Ugh…wuh?”

Deadpool regains consciousness and tries to gather his barrings except he realizes very quickly that his wrists are tied behind his back and all of his weapons have been removed. Peter creeps out from the darkness holding the lamp he used earlier to strike Deadpool.

“Who the hell are you” Peter barks

“Well…hello sexy” Deadpool sneers

Peter scrunches his face in disgust

“Why did you bust into my apartment!? Were you the one who blew that building up??” Peter aggressively inquires

“…Maybe?” Deadpool responds with a grin

Peter places his forehead into the palm of his free hand and slides it down his face in frustration.

“Thank God Spider-Man showed up to help put the fire out” Peter said

“Oh? I missed Spidey!? Damnit…next time” Deadpool says reassuringly to himself

“Look Mr. Whoever the hell you are, you seem unsavory and I’m just gonna call the police…”

“Wait! If I tell you who I am…would you consider letting me go?” Deadpool asks

“Why would I let you go? You’re clearly some type of a gun toting maniac who likes to blow up buildings” Peter says with a concerned expression

Deadpool holds up his index finger very matter of factly

“Mercenary…actually” Deapool says in a quaint voice

Peter quickly holds up the lamp as defense, to avoid using his powers”

“HOW’D YOU GET FREE!? I tightened the hell out of those knots!” Peter says surprised

“I’ve pretty much been free this whole time you were talking” Deadpool says nonchalantly

“You’re an escape artist now!?” Peter says angrily

“Mercenary…” Deadpool says with a playful twinge to his voice

Deadpool lazily unties the other wrist and slowly stands up

“Look, I know you wanna seduce me standing here in your boxers n all but I have work to do…can you give me my stuff back?” he asks

“Seduce---wait what!? Don’t deflect! You’re obviously the one who’s wrong here! YOU BLEW UP A BUILDING” Peter yells while pointing at the carnage

Deadpool folds his arms in a frustrated stance and begins to tap his foot

“I was doing my job, I’m Deadpool, I’m a mercenary, and you’d just be better off giving me my stuff back, you can’t hurt me because I have better regen than that ball of anger Wolverine” Deadpool says