After the bear had killed Todd and turned on me, I was afraid I was going to die. But then it left me. At first, I felt an initial rush of relief, and then I was pissed. Deep down, I actually wanted to die. And in that moment, if it hadn't been for my promise to Lilly, I might have killed myself. Why not? Everyone I loved except for my mom and my son were gone. Dead. Murdered by Garett's illegitimate son. I was exhausted. Letting go sounded so good. I'd just lay here until something—maybe the bear—came and finished me off. Either that, or until I died from exposure, thirst, or hunger. I didn't care which, but my plan was to lay here and let nature take its course.
It began to rain harder, but I hardly noticed. The blood slowly washed away, and after a time, my thoughts began to drift. Not in coherent patterns. Not sentences. Just words. Phrases. Images.
Sun. Sky. Clouds.
Summer. Heat.
Days at the beach.
Les. Mom. Kieran. Lilly. . .
And then she was there, looking down with that exasperated smile she always gave me when I'd done something stupid. Which was more often than I cared to admit.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
I looked up at her, smiling back with a sappy grin on my face. I'd fallen in love with her when I was a Zombie and hadn't been really able to feel as much. Then, after I'd been cured, I'd fallen for her even harder. Rob had teased me over the years about how I'd get this look on my face when I saw her.
"Jack." Her voice sounded anxious. "What are you doing?"
"Waiting for you," I said.
I patted the ground next to me. For a moment it felt cold, like wet earth, then it was gone. Sand trickled through my fingers. We were at the beach. Family vacation. The one I'd always promised her we'd take someday. In the distance, I could hear Les laughing and squealing as my mom and Kieran waded into the ocean with him.
"Sit with me," I said. "Sit with me and watch Les play."
She sat down and I could see sadness written on her face. I tried to think of something funny to say, something to cheer her up. But I couldn't quite pull my thoughts together.
"How long do you think you can stay here, Jack?"
"We can stay as long as you want," I said. I tried to take her hand but she pulled it back. "It's a beautiful day and we're all here."
"Jack, we can't . . . you can't do that," she said.
I gestured in the direction of the other voices. "Rob and Melanie are here. Some of the others are coming later. We don't even have to leave when it gets dark. Let's build a bonfire here on the beach. We can roast marshmallows and talk, just like we used to."
"Honey." Her voice was soft. "You can't stay here."
"Sure I can," I said. My heart beat faster. I didn't want to get into an argument about this. I just wanted to sit here with her and watch our son. I wanted to spend the day with my friends. I wanted to see my mom happy with Kieran.
"Jack."
I shook my head. "No, I want to stay." I looked at her. "I want to stay with you."
"But we're not here, Jack." She put her hand on my shoulder. "You know that."
"But if I wait a little longer, I can be with you."
"But not your mom and Les," she countered. "They're still out there. They need you."
