Pain Is Temporary But Victory Is Always | 김태형 |

chapter 13: hesitating

Park Hana's P.O.V 

*time skipped(lessons ended)*

Good thing this lesson is done. My head is going to die. I abuse my brain sooooooo much!. I'm so sorry brain I don't mean that.

Huh so here we go again. And What do you expect, I'm here again. Walking alone. Oh should I say I'm walking with taehyung again.

He's excuses again. And his excuse was 'I'm so,sorry I have many things to do okay, I'm sorry maybe next time okay .' And for the freaking that was his excuse yesterday. This is going to be hard, VERY HARD.

More days past and he just don't hang with me often. I just walk alone in taehyung's house and make my punishment be done.

This is not a excuse anymore. This sucks now. Leaving and don't say what is he was busy for.

So again. The mind torture will continue tomorrow. Well, that sucks.

I sleep again thinking what is really going on now. This isn't a joke any more, this is ridiculous now.

I wake up, do the same thing as always and go to school walking with taehyung all over again.

Why does hobi acted like this these days? He is not the hobi that I know before. does he change now?

We arrived and enter the same class with taehyung and the first subjects was all major. All of that sucks.

And also hurt my brain sooo much, technically. Well, probably I'm gonna die now. My cause of death.... Abusing my brain.

*time skipped ( break time)*

Ah good thing now this all ends. My head hurts a lot thousand times since the subjects was all major. I think there's a internal torture and bleeding in my brain. Ugh!!! Maths!!! I hate you!!.

I am with my new friends, but it was weird cause minsun is with them all of the time. And now... She does not hang for them a while.

Well I am going to the library same old as usual. And they go to the cafeteria cause that was they usually doing.

Go to the library. That's a nice Idea of me, when I was going to the library someone called my name...

"Noona!!" Someone Says behind me.  and it was jungkook Panting. catching his breath and take a grip in my wrist and ran away with me.

"Jeon Jungkook!! What the hell are you doing now?!?" I asked while we are running.

"You'll know noona." He replied. And we are going closer to the bathroom.

We stopped and stare at the bathroom door. And I have definitely no idea of what is Jungkook talking about.

"Do you hear that?" Jungkook said whispering in my ear."hear what?" I asked. He pointed at the door and put his ears on it.

I copied what he done. I heard some smooch and sickling of what, a lips?

"Is that a s-smooch?" I asked him. And he gulped a little.

"Do you want to know who was in there?" He asked me. This kept me worried at all. I nodded at him and he kicked the door.

I saw hobi and minsun looked ashamed of themselves. And I know the truth now, they were just kissing all this times. They were lying at us.

"Hana,let me explain please.." He said holding my wrist tightly. This means he does not want to let go.

"You were lying to me all this time. You know what hobi.. We should stop dating you know. This just,hurts me a lot." I said sniffing and having a tear waterfall.

"No you was wrong just let me explain please I'll explain to you all..please jagi." He said, and the grip goes tighter and tighter.

"I'm so sorry you just wasted your time on me and sorry you are too late to explain all of this. Have fun with minsun okay...." I said and remove his hands on my wrist.

I started to walk away and wiping my tears from the side of my face.

I rushed at the third floor and entered the abandoned music room. I remembered my grandma taught me her favorite music in piano.

I sat down and start pressing the keys. Tears are at the corner of my eyes and it start to fall like a waterfall.

While playing grandma's favorite music, i started popping up with questions all over my head.

I just can't believe this. I was stupid. Stupid enough to love someone who does not love me at all.

I believe at nothing, believe at sweet lies of him. And my friend.. Now what?! This is ridiculous!

I hate myself  very much, so much of my life. This is why they left me always.

I am never been accepted, i always got rejected. They never got happy, they always got angry.

Why me? Why not them? Why i suppose to suffer? Why they don't? Why i am the one person who's always lonely?

Cant i be happy?

Thoughts rushing up to me, they were like popping up i my head and got squished up.

What if i kill my self? Do i felt better, do they treat me more better if i am dead? Can these help me to escape my problems?

After finishing the music. I went home. Not walking with anyone not even walking with taehyung.

When i got home, i rushed at the room and sobbed more. My ayes are sore now. I could just feel that.

I sat up straight. And think what to do. I sat and stare for a while and thinking to.... How to end my life easily.

Jump at the building?,poison my self?,or how about about cuts?

I don't even want to know? I was still thinking, what if i died, my friends will misses me and they will felt lonely, and that's all because of me. I will felt guilty.

But what if i really died right? But what they will actually feel about it? Those thoughts kept bothering my mind up.

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So Are You gonna do it?

Fighting~~~👊

-author😘✌