A Stubborn Soulmate's Surrender

Property of Genesis

Dear Genesis,

I found your journal. Don't worry, I haven't read a word. But I hope you read every word I'm about to write on this page.

See, truth is... I've always hated you. Not the playful hatred childish fifth grades have on their crushes. Not the kind of "I hate you" your best friend says to tease you. I simply just hated you.

You stand for everything I loathed about the world. You're loud and rambunctious and clumsy. Never have I seen a trace of a frown on your face, and I wondered if your smile was plastered on by heavy-duty staple guns and superglue. To me, everyday was Halloween and you were a tacky Barbie doll costume.

Then, you became my seat partner, and I died inside listening to you go on about comics and your love for super villains. I hated comics. They oozed unrealistic and mindless fluff. Much like you.

You adored English class and I watched in disgust as you gushed over soulmates and cried at the end of every tragic story.

You said you had plans of world domination. And I planned to retreat from it... And you.

You wanted to sing, dance, shout, and laugh. And I wanted to suggest joining a circus... Far away from town and far away from me.

Up until this point, you know everything about... I told you. I'm sure you remember the one day you asked me to go rollerblading and I spat out every thought I had of you.

It was a good decision at the time. I emptied my soul's contents out piece by piece, relieved I finally had nothing buried in my chest.

The next day was peaceful. I glanced at your backside, now seated a couple of rows ahead. There was a twinge of guilt, mixed with regret stirring inside me as I saw your shoulders tense when the teacher called my name.

Your smile faltered when you walked past me in the halls, which would easily be concealed by the painfully corny jokes you'd crack.

Days went on, and you eventually learned to smile at me again... While I smiled back and ignored it.

Don't get me wrong, never since I met you have I been able to ignore that annoying smile. It was what that smile did to me that I wanted to get rid of.

From then until now, all I did was ignore. I ignored the whirlwinds in my stomach I once mistook as ominous anxiety. I ignored every movement my eyes made to look in your direction. I ignored my feet when they desperately wanted to trail behind you down the hall. I ignored every idea of you circling my mind.

But now, there's nothing to ignore. I looked at the empty seat next to me...

I got what I wanted. Yeah... Finally, peace and quiet.

One day you picked up the pencil I dropped. You placed it on my desk and walked away. My eyes lingered on your hand, every part of me aching to touch it but couldn't.

It was at that moment that I finally understood your fascination with soulmates.

You... From the beginning were everything my soul searched for. Everything I'm not. Everything I want.  My Everything.

Which is why decided to write myself into this diary. This journal is your property... But so am I.

Love,

Your old seat partner