I Want Him (Jikook)

Jikook

Thoughts/memories in italics

A/N - I took out the daddy kink because lord have mercy I wrote this when I was 15, hopefully it's less cringy now, enjoy <3

Jimin's POV

Hurt(adj): To feel physical or mental pain.

That's how Jimin felt. Hurt.

He wasn't a bad person. Actually, he was a really nice, sweet kid. He was caring, and bought presents for all the other members on birthdays and holidays and sometimes just because.

He also always had an open shoulder he offered to anyone he knew for them to unload their emotional baggage and place it on him

He was attractive, at least he didn't think he was ugly from the (mostly) positive comments he received from friends, fans and staff.

Still, there was always that underlying insecurity that he faced. That awful parasite that attaches itself to your mind and sucks the life and happiness and confidence out and replaces it with whispers of "you're not good enough" and "someone else could have done better".

Sometimes that parasite can be a good thing, when it comes to working hard and having ambition, but more often than not it's most definitely not helpful. Especially for someone who has to perform in front of thousands of people, go on tv and constantly be in the public's eye.

It's frustrating, hearing peers say one thing, and then reading negative comments and hearing your mind tell you other wise. A lot of times he felt like he didn't belong in the group with how talented the rest of the members were, and he was just ok.

He was on that buffer inbetween not awful, but not good enough.

Never good enough.

Jimin's mind was often busy with the internal bickering between his self image and his heart trying to tell him he was plenty good enough.

It's a lot easier to listen to your mind than your heart. Your mind makes so much more sense.

But Jimin didn't just struggle with how he thought he could improve, he was also dumb enough to have a crush.

Not a playful little useless crush that it had started out as, but a full blown, desperate, "notice me senpai" kind of shit.

Jimin had a long time crush on his band mate Jungkook and try as he might, it simply would not go away.

He had tried ignoring his feelings and not letting them affect how he treated the maknae or anyone else for that matter, but it all changed when fans responded VERY positively to his longing looks that he tried to hide but clearly failed miserably at doing so.

Fan art, fanfictions, ship videos, imagines, all of these things had been created supporting the two of them, and Jimin had played it up, hanging on Jungkook a lot more because of it.

"Because of it"

Jimin was thankful he got to basically drape himself over his crush and had an excuse for it, but Jungkook didn't seem to think the same way.

Jungkook constantly pushed Jimin away, wouldn't always avoid the other, but showed him no attention. No playfulness like with V, no encouragement when Jimin was frustrated with himself for not getting choreo right. Jungkook barely spared him a glance during dance practices. He just let him be.

Jungkook wasn't gay, Jimin was almost sure. This didn't make his situation any easier as Jimin thought about all the times Jungkook would give him weird looks and get away from Jimin as fast as possible when he would initiate extra skinship.