Nerdy Is Idol?! || Jungkook [COMPLETED]

Help... Please...

Guys... I really need your help.

It's nothing about book but it's about me. I need help.

PLEASE DO COMMENT :((

So...

I'm going to tell you guys something.
Something that no one ever knew.
Including my parents and friends.

They didn't know about this.

When I am 12 years old , I always joined any competition or even performance at my school.

I'm not that popular but since I am friendly , talkative and etc , I known around the school.

The teachers always proud of me and complimenting me.

Till one of my best friend backstab me. It always make me sad when I think about it again.

So the stories were...

One day , I'm not confident how to hold the mic. For OUR performance so I asked her "How can I hold this mic?". Then she told me to hold it a bit down from my chest.

When it were our performance time , dumb me , follow what she told me. Then , while I were performing , the teachers... I heard they saying "Hold the mic more up. It's too low."

Only GOD know how embarrassed I am that day. Since then , I haven't talked to her as a best friend again.

Why?

Because before I start doing the performance , the one who always got praised by the teachers is her. But when I started , the teachers keep praising me. Like totally forgetting her. I guess she hate me.

So that's why she did that.

Then , without I realised.

I developed this disease.
Anxiety / Anxious Attack.

I can't do any performance.
I can but I would always got blank the moment I step my foot at the stage.

Since then , I hate joining any performance or even competition.

Last year , I try to be brave.
I joined one competition.

Sadly , during the competition...

I stuttered.
It's not because I'm NERVOUS crying out loud. Everyone assume it was because I am nervous.

But it is NOT!!

I have been traumatic since then.

Back to the stories ,
I'm stuttered and I even forget what I should say! Even tho I have memorized it for one weeks!!!!

Now , I have been entering high school since 4 years ago.

I am 16 years old now.

I still remembered.
When I am in 13 years old , in highschool. The teachers told me to try being MC.

Audition to be an MC.

I tried.
Again. Sadly , I stuttered.

I always try to convince myself that I can do it. I only need to forget this anxiety attack or panic attack. Or any shitty attack. I just need to focus on what I am doing.

But again. I CAN'T!!
I HATE IT!

Through 3 years since I am 13 till now. 16 years old.

I have always try.
But it always end awfully.

To say that I'm stopped being a friendly. It's not.

I almost know everyone in my school.
All the teachers know me.

I am friendly. Talkative like usual.

But when I being asked to go on stage.
I can't. I will start stuttering or even worse. I can't breath.

It happens once.

I need to go up on stage since I won the competition.
But then suddenly I can't breath.

Suddenly I can't take in any air.
I SERIOUSLY can't breath.

To you , it may sound childish but for me it is a serious matter.

And now , there is one teacher that asked me to join this one competition.

I want.
I FREAKING WANT TO JOIN IT!

But because of my attack. I always scared to join any of it again.

I'm not joking.
If any of my friends saw this.

They would say ,

"Are you serious?"
"You're the most cheerful girl"
"You must be kidding me"
"Haha. It's not funny."
"Weird."

They would say that.

Why?
Cuz they didn't know what have I gone through till I afraid of stage.

No.

I afraid of showing myself to everyone. I afraid to compete. I afraid to perform. I AM AFRAID!

And when I afraid.

Thoughts would be in my mind.

"Am I going to make shame of myself?"
"Are they going to make fun of me?"
"Are they going to laughing at me?"
"I will stuttered again."
"I will make mistakes again."

And that's when I slowly can't breath.
As if the air was disappeared.

I felt like my chest is hurt.
It can't inhale any of air.

It's freaking hurt and I can't breath.

Thus , I really need your help.
I really need you guys to comment.

Comment anything that I can do to try ease the attack.

Anything that probably could help my face the stage.
So I could perform or join any competition again.

Without any attack in my chest.
No anxiety attack.
No anxious attack.
No panic attack.

I really need you guys help to comment.
What I can do to free myself from this hell. It's hurt for me.

"What can I do to face stage. To perform. To compete again?.

Google said that "breath in and out" and also said "listen to the song". But none of it worked. Well... Listen to the song did worked a bit. Breath in and out only managed to control for 3 minutes. Then , i start getting attack.

HELP ME!!!!

SINCERELY  AUTHOR-NIM.
MIA...