One Step Backwards

Chapter - 4

I stood long at the front door, almost glaring at the hard, oak door that was glaring back at me. The door is beautiful in a way. Vater always told me that if you put your dirty hands on something, you must always clean it. That was the reason the door is so polished and repainted every seven months. Mutti painted the door a dark, cherry red that spiked up the hase a bit. She even asked gramps to carve something into the lonely door. Gramps, of course, could never decline mutti.

My fingers lightly skimmed against the carvings of a boar that held its head high and proud! I could make out patches of grass that lay under the boar's hooves. I trailed my fingers downwards, resting onto a sort of heart that was carved perfectly in the middle. Tears started spiking in the corner of my eyes when I recalled the memory of gramps carving this heart with a big smile shown on his tired face.

I was exactly eight when gramps started to carve the door. He was starting onto the heart and once he was finished, he led me to the door. I remember myself being in awe when I first glanced at the door. Gramps was grinning at me and he looked so proud of his work, almost like a child impressing their parents that was shocking and amazing at the same time. But then gramps suddenly got all serious and he kneeled to my eye-level, placing a hand onto my still very small shoulder. His grey eyes bore into mine, making my expression confused. Gramps sighed, "Meine Liebste, you see this heart?" His long, wrinkled pointer finger led me to look at the beautifully carved heart. I returned to look back at gramps before nodding slightly. I was still confused by his meaning. "That heart is empty, right?" I nodded again, shifting my eyes between gramps two sleek eyes. He stared back, knitting his eyebrows together. "It's not actually. You see that heart that I carved." gramps once again pointed at the carving. He hesitantly brought the finger to where his heart, beating blood through his veins lay. "It's my heart." My confusion was raised to another level, arching my little eyebrows up. Gramps suddenly laughed lightly, amusement filling his eyes.

"But how? If your heart is in the your chest?" I weakly asked.

"Because it's empty. And it even looks empty." Gramps shifted his eyes from me to the heart. "But, Meine Liebste, it's not all that empty."

"It isn't?" I questioned trying my best to understand his knowledge. My eyebrows rose once more, glancing at the heart- and back to gramps.

Gramps chuckled, eyes wrinkling around the corners. "Look closer Maltida." His finger pointed at the very edge of the heart, cocking an eyebrow as if inviting me to look. I took the invitation.

"See dear. It may look empty, but it's not. There are so many loving and emotional stories you may not see them. But you can always feel them." Gramps explained looking at me sweetly.

"Gramps...How would I feel it? How would I feel then when I can't see them?" I asked. I know it sounds dumb but I was only eight. I was little, innocent, and hard to understand.

" It's hard for me to explain, but listen now. Imagine mother died or left us forever. Would you see the love you have for her like you see me?" Gramps left eyebrow rose slightly.

"Well...no I wouldn't see it." I was trying so hard to understand his thinking.

"Exactly, Meine Liebste." Gramps beamed. I still had a hard time understanding gramps quote. But I learned it when gramps...passed away.

* * *

I finally had the courage to turn the knob of the once happy door, stepping into my house that I loved dearly. I decided to head to the kitchen since my parents were probably waiting for me. Once I reached the all too familiar doorway, I saw three figures or mostly shadows, hidden behind the refrigerator. I frowned, slowly my walk down before cautiously approaching the figures. Kota is usually in his room, blasting his music meanwhile Mia is somehow sleeping with Kota's music blasting. Kimberly moved out with Justin and into a small cottage nearby. Kimberly always visited but not in the afternoons. So who could this be?

"Mutti? Vater?" I called, rounding over to the figures.

"We are over here, sweetie!" Mutti called out. Once I was in sight with the three figures, I gasped loudly. Mutti, vater, and...Ashton??