A Heart Like Hers

Chapter One

Having a crush is horrible. Its full of sad fantasies and interesting dreams full of heartbreak when you wake up. There are days when you feels so confident that 'today is the day I will talk to them' but you end up chickening out and hiding from them for the rest of the day because you think they know that you have something to hide. The chances are pretty good that they don't even know who you are, right there, sitting right across from them, admiring them from afar.

I would know how that feels. Because i have a crush on a person that I have never had an actual conversation with and have only been in the same room as them once. Her name is Ally. Yes I know, what a common and boring name but her name is the only thing remotely boring about her. Shes short, a bit chubby, loud but not too loud to the point its weird, sweet, happy and what your would call a 'bubbly person '. Her brown hair and green eyes are just so beautiful that every time I see them my breath leaves me and my heart races with anticipation of what i could do.

But every paradise has a sunset at the end of the day and mine is that Ally is my sisters best friend. My sister is 15 and in those teen years is where i struggled the most. Ally is the same age as her and I'm 2 years older, which makes this whole thing a bit worse. I like a 15 year old and am going to turn 18 in 6 months.

"Livia, have you seen my tennis shoes?" Malice asked me, she was rushing from her room to the living room to the kitchen and so forth in search for those shoes. "I need them! I'm going on a run with Ally and I can't wear my converse up a hill of snow."

"I haven't seen your stupid shoes, Malice. I don't wear them, do I?" I said rolling my eyes and continued mindlessly scrolling through Facebook. The app was nothing but pictures of half naked girls from my school and fuck-boys that try too hard to woo the next girl they just want to use. After they get what they want, they dump them girl faster than you can say 'I'm way too alone'.

But I'll bet 90% of the girls I see on social media want nothing but love and they will do anything to feel useful. I have to admit, I am one of them. Only i know what to expect from the countless relationships i have been in, i know that love isn't a possibility when people are just looking for sex and that is why I have cut myself off from the world; distanced myself from most human contact and the only time I talk to anyone is when its my family or my teachers. Im not depressed and i dont have anxiety, im just scared of love. Scared of what it feels like to have someone know everything about you and have someone you can fully trust 100 percent of the time, considering I've never had it.

I locked my phone and looked out the window. It was starting to snow and i knew that it was going to be bad. "Youre not going running in this weather." I said to Malice. She huffed and plopped down on the couch next to me. She had nothing but spandex leggings and a tank top on. Not to mention only one tennis shoe on.

"Yeah. Ill now have to cancel my run with Ally, AGAIN." Her name made the butterflies come alive inside of me and I tried my hardest to shake the feeling away and ignore it. Its not normal to have a crush on your sisters bestfriend. "I have an idea!"

"What is it?"

"I'm just going to have her come over here and spend the night! I mean, it is a weekend so we can do that." She kicked off her shoe which landed on the old, wooden coffee table with a thud and pulled out her phone. I looked out the window, blankly staring at the snow lightly falling from the sky and thought.

How hard would it be for me to deny my feelings for the beautiful brunette until they just go away. But what if they don't go away? What if they stay and get bigger? No, i wouldn't let it. Its too much trouble focusing on the important things in life and having a stupid crush isnt going to be good.