When I'm gone

Chapter One

Chapter One

It's been a week since my doctor told me that I was suffering from stage 3 lung cancer and I only have few months to live. It's also been a week since I locked myself inside my room and started to hate everyone and the universe for what I am suffering from.

I don't know how to react. For an eighteen year old like me whose on her peak of being young, wild and free? This thing could be really very depressing.

Everybody in the family was sad when they got the news from my doctor. But neither of them truly understands me. They always knock on my door to cheer me up and try to convince me to get my ass out of my room and have fun. But I'm too sad... and too mad to do it.

I was busy on thinking about my leave note when suddenly someone knocked on my door.

“Kimberly...?”

It's mom.

“Kimberly, aren't you coming? All your cousins would be there. Come on, it'll gonna be great.”

“No. Mom, I don't wanna go to that party. You could just go. I want to be alone.”

“But sweetie...”

“No. Mom, I don't. Please. Leave.”

I heard her sighed, then eventually some steps to the stairs, downstairs. Well, it's for my own good. I should stop myself from getting too attached with them. It'll gonna be very hard for me... and for them, when the time for me to leave comes.

I just... I just don't want to see them sad when I leave them. I don't want to see them broken... when I'm gone.

Then someone knocked on my door again...

“Ate? Ate Kim? Can I come in?” said Marx, my little brother. He was born thirteen years later than me.

“Yes. Sure.” I said

He turned the knob and slowly opened the door. Then he peeked inside and smiled, a really big smile, at me. Which he always did everytime he enters my room, prior to the ill. Well actually he's the only one who doesn't know anything about my illness.

“Are you alright ate?”

I nodded, smiling. He went near me—in my bed where I was sitting. Then he sat beside me.

“Then, why aren't you coming with us? Won't you want to see our cousins? Like ate Gail, ate Nicca, kuya Gian, and kuya Jake?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then why won't you come with us?”

I don’t know what I shall answer. This kid sure knows what the word ‘perseverance’ means.

“You're too young and too innocent. You won't understand why.”

“Then tell me, so I can understand.”

I gave him a smile—a one bitter smile. I kissed him in his forehead. If only it's that easy to tell you why. If only I could tell you that I was... leaving. If only...