BTS Smut

Awake - BTS Jin

The bird fights it way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born must first destroy a world. The bird flies to God. That God's name is Abraxas.

Awake

Speed. That was the only thing on your mind. You had to be fast, you had to be there for him.

He was having another anxiety attack, and this time you weren't there for him. You were always there for him, always ready to help him calm down and help him get back to normal. You were his support, you are his support and will continue to be his support.

How could you not be there at this moment when he needs you most? Stupid, so stupid. What could be more important than the love of your life? You stepped on the gas pedal even harder, speeding down the streets in hopes of reaching him before he did anything reckless. He was so close, yet so far. Finally after what seemed like hours but was truly minutes, you reached his house. As soon as you parked in the driveway, you jumped up out of your car, ran up the driveway and headed to the front door. You took the key he had given you about a year ago when he asked if you wanted to live with him, which you gladly said yes to, and opened the front door. You ran all over the place in search for him.

A simple text was all it took for you to go crazy like this. One simple message from him.

Help.

You searched each and every room until you finally found him in the bedroom you two shared. He was backed into a corner, sitting on the floor with his legs bent and his head hanging while his hands tugged at his hair.

Your heart dropped at the sight of him in such a state. You hurried over to him, bending down and grabbing his face with both your hands.

"Jin? Jin, talk to me," you said, panic evident in your voice. You could tell that he was already beginning to calm down, but there was still tears waiting to be shed in his eyes. His deep brown eyes which you loved so much were red and his face was slightly puffy, but you didn't mind. He looked perfect to you, no matter what.

"I'm fine," he croaked out.

"Tell me the truth," you whispered, taking his hand and rubbing small circles on it with your thumb. He looked over at you, a tear trailing down his cheek and falling on the blue carpet.

"I feel useless," he admitted. You took a seat next to him and placed a hand on his cheek, wiping another tear which threatened to fall.

"Why do you feel useless?" You asked him. The best thing, you'd come to realize, was not to convince him he was wasn't useless, but to get him to admit why he thought he was useless, in order to get him to relieve all the bottled up feelings.

"All the members are doing so well. They are learning the choreographies well, they are singing well, and they are performing well. I feel like I'm not doing my best, and I feel like I'm useless in the band, like a waste of space," he told you, looking down at your intertwined fingers.

"If you're trying your best, and if the fans appreciate it, shouldn't you believe you're doing well?"

He stayed silent for a moment, before replying. "I just... I feel like I can't do as well as them. I'm just there to care for them and help them out."

"What do you mean?" You asked gently.

"Maybe I can never fly. Maybe I can't touch the sky. Not like they can," he sighed out. Your heart clenched, his words causing a sadness in you.