Star Wars: Daughter of the Dark Force

Chapter 3: Resolve

CHAPTER 3: RESOLVE

“The dark side of the Force provides me with all I need.”

 - Galen Marek (a.k.a. Starkiller), Sith apprentice

My sleep was not peaceful. At first I floated through a darkness so complete it was tangible, and I could feel nothing but a dull aching despair in the centre of my chest. Suddenly a flash of red light seared through the darkness, revealing Darth Vader standing at some distance from me, wielding a glowing lightsaber. I tried to move towards him, to kneel in fealty, but my limbs would not obey. I looked down, and my eyes widened. In my own hands I gripped two red lightsabers. Blood dripped from my hands and coated my body, soaking through my clothes. A copper taste rose to my mouth. Was this my own blood? It seeped from the markings on my hands and fingers. I gasped. Why did I not feel pain? I lifted my head to call to Vader, but my eyesight misted over and I heard an painfully familiar voice whisper my name. Yurlon? My vision cleared and he stood before me, his eyes full of pain and disappointment. My breath hitched in my throat.

I jerked awake, the sound of my own scream ringing in my ears. My heart pounded. Tears filled my eyes.

"What have I done?!?" I cried aloud in anguish. I sat up, grabbing my head in my hands. Waves of regret thudded against my body, so violent as to be physical. Tears streamed down my face as I rocked back and forth. I had joined the dark side... I had thrown away everything Yurlon had striven for! Everything he taught me, everything he did for me... I had tossed it aside like garbage! Tearing at my very being, memories of my earliest years flashed through my mind with agonizing clarity. Those days training in the Force, training in hand-to-hand combat, training with lightsabers... Had Yurlon ever imagined the possibility of me falling to the dark side? I had destroyed his hopes in me... I had fulfilled his greatest nightmare! And I had even forgotten about avenging him! My throat convulsed, and I let out a strangled groan.

"Yurlon, forgive me..." I whispered. "What have I done...?"

I wept like I had never wept before, even after Yurlon had died. I was shaming his memory, shaming everything he believed in. And he had believed in me! I was nothing but a slave to Vader now... No matter how much he may respect my abilities, I was still his slave. A slave!!! And I now could never, ever turn back... How could I ever have been so blinded by my lust for power?

The desk and chair at the foot of my bed, the only pieces of furniture in the room beside my bed, rattled noisily then buckled against the wall with the force of my distress. I paused in my thoughts, wondering at the power of my pain. So was this why the Sith nurtured feelings of hatred and pain?

I shivered violently, wiped the tears from my cheeks, and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. I had barely slept for more than two hours, but with this much conflict storming in my chest, I could never hope to fall asleep again. Tears still stinging my eyes, I dressed in the pants and tank top I had worn before sleeping and shrugged into my cloak. I ignored my boots, took my lightsaber as a caution, and pulled my hood up to cover my face in darkness.

Darkness... How could I so blindly have chosen the darkness with so little contemplation? A rack of sobs threatened to shake me, so I quickly slid the door open and exited my chamber into the darkened outer hall, lit only by the stars. The floor was smooth and cool against my fevered soles, and I had to resist the urge to lay down against it. It was silent up here, with no droids hurrying about. I assumed that the residential sector had an artificial cycle of night and day to facilitate the care of human needs, which likely meant there were at least a few other people living in this block of the barracks.