Five Times Alexander Hamilton Was Tied Up Because He Was an Idiot

Chapter One

This one was strongly inspired by a fic I found on Fanfiction.net called Fit to Be Tied. Here's the link, go read it, it's pretty good! https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12163514/1/Fit-to-be-Tied

Anyway, hope you enjoy the first part of this adventure!

"Alex."

"–ignorant, loud-mouthed, prejudice bastard–"

"Alexander."

"–I mean, it's not like he has a better plan, he just hates mine, fucking–"

"Hamilton!"

"What?!" Hamilton finally stopped pacing, an obvious worn line in the wood of his office floor, looking up at the other person in the room. He cracked a grin. "Well, if it isn't Aaron Burr, sir."

Burr sighed, feeling the beginnings of the headache that was always the side-effect of talking with the young secretary. "We need to talk, Hamilton."

"But of course, sir."

Hamilton sat behind his desk, propping his head up on his folded hands. Burr took the seat across from him. There was a brief pause as Burr collected his thoughts. "Alex...your plan, it's...it's..."

Hamilton's face hardened before he could get the words out, eyes darkening. "I don't want to hear it, Burr. I get enough shit from Jefferson and his fanatics, I don't need it from you."

"Alexander, please, here me out–"

"No, Burr. Get out." Hamilton stood, Burr following suit, and returned to his pacing, muttering angrily in French. Burr wasn't at all fluent in the language, but he'd spent enough time around Jefferson, Hamilton, and Lafayette when he was in America to pick up on a few key words, mainly swears. For someone so articulate, Hamilton couldn't go a full sentence before cursing colorfully.

"Hamilton, you can't ignore me forever!" The man in question's mutterings grew louder. "If you want to get your debt plan through it needs help! You need help! At least listen to me!"

Hamilton pointed at the door.

Burr sighed. This man was seriously a walking headache. "Then I'm sorry, Alexander. You leave me no choice. I hope you can forgive me." Hamilton glanced up, a question in his eyes. Burr raised his fist.

His eyes widened. "Burr, wait–!"

Hamilton's world went dark.

____________________________________________________________

Alexander woke with a start, jerking his head up, and absolutely livid. Hyperaware of everything, he immediately began jerking against the ropes tying his arms to the arms of his office chair. Burr was on his knees, securing his ankles to the legs.

"Alex, please hold still, this'll be a lot easier if–" Alex didn't let Burr finish, kicking the older man directly in the nose with his free leg. Burr fell backwards with a cry of pain, blood pouring from his nose.

"Have you lost your fucking mind, Burr! Untie me this instant so I can ram my foot so far up your ass you–" His furious rant with cut off short by Burr shoving a wad of cloth in his mouth. His shocked expression morphed into something dangerous as the dark-skinned man pulled out another strip and tied it around his head, preventing him from spitting out the makeshift gag. Burr paused to stop his profuse bleeding, and Hamilton couldn't help but watch smugly, despite the rage still burning behind his eyes.

"Alexander, I know your upset, but was this–" He gestured to his nose. "–really necessary?"

Alex simply stared, a deadpanned look on his face.

"Fair point. Slightly hypocritical question. But, you really gave me no choice. I need to talk to you and you wouldn't hear it." Burr hesitantly stepped forward, then leaped, pinning Alex's remaining free limb and finished tying it while he kicked and struggled, shouting muffled curses. Burr resumed his seat across from Alex. "You ready to listen?" The young immigrant's eyes were narrowed to dangerous slits. His fury was practically tangible. Burr ignored it.

"Alex, the Democratic-Republicans will never agree to your debt plan. It just doesn't coincide with their beliefs. You either have to do some major editing or..." Burr grinned. He had Hamilton's attention. It was obvious by the way his eyes glinted with interest. "Or you could give them something in return. Something that is insignificant in the end, but seems like a big enough deal that it would pacify Jefferson and Madison." He could see the gears spinning in Alex's head, his brow furrowed.

"Hey Hamilton, still working on that pompous debt plan of yours?" Alexander's head shot up with alarm, eyes wide, just as Thomas Jefferson wandered into the office, a smug grin on his face.

Jefferson's face went slack at the sight in front of him. Burr was staring at him while Hamilton struggled wildly in his bonds, a stream of loud muffled curses making its way around the gag. Slowly, Jefferson began to grin. "Oh, I have to know the story behind this. This is too good!"

Burr blinked. "Uh, I-I can explain!"

"Please do!" Jefferson had to raise his voice to be heard over Hamilton's shrieking.

"I needed to talk to him, but he wouldn't listen, so I uh...improvised."

"And it actually worked?" Jefferson's amazement was obvious.

"Actually, he dislocated my nose initially. But yes, after he'd calmed down. Until you walked in." Both turned to watch Alex. He glared back at them, Hellfire burning in his eyes. His struggling was violent, his back arching off the chair. Jefferson looked on in amusement, Burr concern, until they noticed the young secretary's wrists were rubbed raw and beginning to bleed. Burr scrambled forward, trying to hold Hamilton down and prevent his thrashing. "Whoa, calm down, Hamilton! Hamilton! Alexander, please, just sit still, I'll untie you, alright! But you have to sit still!"

Alex almost immediately calmed, staring up expectantly. Burr moved slowly, pulling a small dagger from a sheath hidden by his purple coat. He cut Hamilton's legs free first, carefully cutting his wrists free as to avoid the aggravated wounds. Hamilton was perfectly still the entire time. When he was done, Burr took a couple hurried steps back as Alex tore himself free of the demeaning gag. Standing, he marched toward Burr, his steps purposeful as he stalked the shorter man. A brief, tense silence filled the office as Hamilton glared down at Burr, his jaw locked, an aura of wrath and outrage almost visible surrounding him. In a flash, Hamilton's fist lashed out, hitting Burr squarely in the jaw. The dark-skinned man slumped to the floor, his nose bleeding again.

Alexander spun around, facing Jefferson. He'd watched the silent exchange with a mix of awe, fear, and concern. Hamilton held up both hands, flipping his rival off as he exited the office. "Sucer mon cul, Jefferson."

Jefferson stared after Hamilton with a strange look on his face, translating the French easily. Finally, he just shook his head, following the younger man out the door.

Alexander Hamilton was insufferable.

Oh yeah, all French in these little ficlets are pure Google Translate, so if anything is horrifically off  please let me know!