Pieces

Fat

"Dianne its time to eat!" Shout my mom from the kitchen

Eat

How am I supposed to eat when Im so fat?

How am I suppose to eat when one bite makes me disgusted

Why am I so fat?

Why the fuck am I so fat?

I sigh as I pull down my shirt and look away from the mirror

I look at my desk filled with school work I havent finished and shook my head

"Great Im gonna fail again"

I slowly go down the stairs against my will and sat down at the dining table

I look at my mom, she has no emotion..

Since my dad left she has never been the same

Our dad left us for another woman he impregnated

I hate him

I loath him

But as fucked up as it is

I miss him

I miss our family

The happy one

When my dad was still contented with us

I miss the Family Day when I was grade 3

That was the last day we were ever happy or maybe thats just what I remember

Maybe we were never happy to begin with

If we were... Nathalie wouldn't be alive

I sigh and start to eat furiously without stopping

In other words... Im bingeing

Again

Your so fat

Why are you so ugly?

Its not that hard you just have to stop eating fatty

Weirdo

Fat

Your so fat

Your so fucking fat

Ugly!

I feel a tear roll down my cheeks as I remember those words..

And without knowing I stopped, I ran to the bathroom and made myself vommit

I dont care if it hurts

Im already hurt

But Im not going back to that phase of my life

I wont be fat again

I dont wanna be fat

••••

I hate it

I hate them