If || rsl & r5 (SLOW UPDATES)

• 18 •

Charlotte's POV

"Ian, be careful!" I shouted from my spot on the park bench, my eyes worriedly watching my rambunctious son as he ran up and down the slide. I knew kids were resilient and that they healed quickly if they got hurt, but the thought of Ian in pain was enough to break my heart in two.

"He'll be fine, Char," Ross assured me, chuckling slightly. "Let him have some fun."

"He won't be having fun if he falls and hurts himself."

"Lighten up, okay? This isn't his first time at the park." He bumped his shoulder gently against mine. "What's going on with you? I've never seen you so worried the few times I tagged along with you two."

I shrugged. "The more energetic he gets, the more worried I get. And I'm always worried about him, that's just who I am as a mother. No matter how old he gets, I'll always be worried. Nothing will change that."

From the moment Ian was brought into the world, all I could do was worry. I was a single parent trying to raise this tiny human being; trying to raise him into a good person. It was hard, but I hoped some of the worry would be lifted off my shoulders now that Ross was back in my life.

"I'm sorry you had to do this on your own for so long," he said after a moment of silence. "No matter how many times I apologize, there will always be a part of myself that hates myself for hurting you. Because I was such an idiot, I missed out on five years of my son's life. I missed his first word, his first steps...his first everything." A layer of tears made his eyes glossy. "And now when I look at him, so carefree, all I feel is guilt. It practically eats me up inside."

His confession had left me utterly speechless. I knew of his guilt for not being there for Ian and I, but he was on the verge of tears, something that didn't happen often. "You can make it up to us now," I told him quietly, reaching for his hand. He intertwined his fingers with mine, squeezing them gently. "Dwelling on the past isn't going to help us try to move on. What matters is that you're here now, and we're going to raise him together."

"How can you forgive me, though?"

"Because you not being in his life is partially my fault." I admitted. "You hurt me, yes, but I never told you I was pregnant. I was just so pissed at you and I didn't think having you in my life was going to do me any good. But I was being selfish. I should've thought about the baby growing inside of me rather than myself." I smiled sadly. "It's my turn to apologize."

He quickly shook his head. "No, you have nothing to apologize for. I was the jackass who hurt you, the most important person in my life. It was my mistake, not yours. You had every right to be pissed at me. Hell, you should still be pissed at me."

I fiddled with a loose string on my jeans, nervousness building up in my stomach. "There's a small part of me that still is angry with you, but you've been doing everything you can to be a part of Ian's life. You've already shown me that you're a great dad. And Ian absolutely loves you. He took a liking to you even before we told him you were his father."

He pressed his forehead against mine, and I could hear the other children laughing as I closed my eyes. We were in such a happy environment, yet the topic of our conversation was anything but. "I do love him, Char. I love him so much."

Ian took that moment to run towards us, lifting his little body onto the bench. He was giggling as he threw himself at Ross, wrapping his arms around his neck. I momentarily wondered if Ian had heard our conversation and decided to intervene and show his daddy how much he loved him, too. It was a sweet moment nonetheless, and I couldn't stop myself from smiling widely.

---

When the weekend approached and I realized the house was practically empty of food, I knew I needed to go grocery shopping. Mel had offered to watch Ian while I did the shopping, and I didn't hesitate in accepting. Taking a child to the supermarket was no easy task, especially when he wanted to raid the cookie aisle. The last time I took Ian with me, I ended up with ten boxes in my cart.

I had to put them away when he wasn't looking.

I thought Ross would want to stay home and spend some time with Ian, but was surprised when he said he wanted to come with me. Grocery shopping was boring, and normally guys hated it. Unless he had the same motives as a five year old...because that wouldn't really surprise me.

"I really thought you'd stay home and be with Ian," I told him as we walked inside the store, grabbing a cart in the process. I dropped my purse onto the seat Ian would normally occupy, giving my shoulder a break from the bag.

"I wanted to spend some time with you," he shrugged.

I let out a chuckle. "This is a great place to hangout, huh?"

"As long as I'm with you, I don't care where we are."

"So, if we were in prison?"

He sighed at my teasing and pinched my side. I couldn't contain my giggling as we strolled into the first aisle. I thought Ross would be silent as I stocked my cart with food, completely bored out of his mind, but he was actually helpful. He had mentioned he wanted to cook dinner a few nights a week to give me a break, and he seemed to have a plethora of recipes he wanted to try. I didn't know when he became an amateur chef, but I was definitely not complaining.

"Hey, I'll be right back. I'm just gonna go grab some razors."

I nodded and pushed my cart to the side, my eyes racking over the magazines as Ross hurried over towards the necessary aisle. As I rummaged through the magazines, I couldn't stop myself from wondering briefly why people read some of them. Some of them had false stories of celebrities, their editors and publishers wanting to trap people into the mindless world of gossip just so they could make money.

And then my eyes stopped on a copy of People magazine, and I swore my heart almost stopped.

"Oh, my God." I whispered, reaching for the magazine that had a picture of Ross, Ian, and I on the cover. The image was as clear as day. It was taken when we were at the park, and from the angle, the person that took it was right behind us. I could see Ian's face perfectly. "Ross Lynch a Father?" I read the title aloud, before reading the small summary below the picture. "The famous actor and singer was spotted near Central Park with this mystery woman and child. Has the R5 band member been leading a double life?"

"Char?" My eyes snapped up at the sound of Ross' voice, his eyebrows furrowed in concern as he looked at my face. "What's wrong?" Saying nothing, I lifted up the magazine for him to see, the cover in full view. His eyes widened. "Oh, shit."

"My baby is on the cover of a magazine," I hissed, tossing it back onto the shelf.

"I know," he replied calmly. "But thankfully they don't know his name, or yours, and they don't know where we live."

"They'll find out if they keep following you."

He placed his hands on my shoulders, his eyes staring deeply into mine. His thumb was rubbing soothing circles on my fabric clad skin, trying to quench my worry. "I'm gonna take care of this, okay? I know how paparazzi can get when they want to find out something, but I swear to you, Char, I won't let them get near you and Ian again. I'll hire a bodyguard if I have to."

"I just don't want Ian in the spotlight," I sighed, resting my head on his chest as my arms wound around his waist. "I want him to have a normal life, be a normal kid. I don't want his face plastered on every magazine."

"I'm gonna do my best so that doesn't happen." His fingers went through my hair, gently scrubbing my scalp. "Believe me, I'm not happy about this either. I didn't want speculation that I may be a father on some magazine cover. I wanted to be the one to say something when the time came. We're still trying to figure things out, and I don't want this to ruin anything."

"It won't," I promised, despite my worry. "But I don't know how you deal with this. I feel like my privacy has been violated."

"Unfortunately you get used to it," he sighed. He sounded exhausted. "Come on, I think we should head home and spend some time with our son." He couldn't keep the smile out of his voice when he said "our son", and it made me smile as well.

"Sounds like a plan."