What is my life???

I'm here and I'm a closet queer... kinda...

I want to tell y'all this soo... yeah... So I'm bisexual. But I'm in the closet kinda. I'm out to a handful of friends but no family. I'm kinda scared to come out to them because I don't know how they would react. And from what I've learned from the LGBT+/queer community is that safety comes first. But I'm pretty sure it would be fine, but I don't want to risk the possibility, ya know? Anyway, I figured out that I'm bi last year. And during this school year, I started coming out to friends. I came to the conclusion with my best friend that I would come out to my parents and family if/when I start dating a girl or someone non-binary. (the chance of me dating somebody who's non-binary in this tiny town is close to none because I don't know of anyone who is. But that's beside the point.)
The hardest thing I've come across (that's what she said) is wanting to advocate for the queer community but knowing that each time I do, I accidentally hint at being a part of it. And I really do want to say that I am queer, but not without the support of someone else in the community. Also I want to talk to my sister about my girl crush but I don't know how she'd react. My sister goes on and on about how boys suck(she's straight btw) but like having an actual crush on a girl is different, ya know?
And this girl crush is on someone that I've had a small crush for a while but I've been trying to smother it and it hasn't been working. The crush is bigger now than ever. This girl is so fucking strong and she doesn't even know it. She's been through hell. And all I want to do is hug her and hold her. And tell her that things will turn out to be ok. But if it's not than, I'll give her so much more care and affection. Gosh it sounds like I'm lovestruck puppy but she gives me small happy heart flutters and warm fuzzies. I'm so comfortable around her. And it's the fasted I've warmed up to someone. I've even told her some deep dark shit that I haven't told my best friend because she just gets it in just the right way, ya know? Oh god, I've opened the floodgates of emotions now. Great... and here I am posting this to the internet, for the world's eyes to read and mentally digest.

Wow sorry for all that gushy emotions stuff. I just need a place to put it and the internet is my choice apparently. Because a diary would be too easy, right?? Welp that's it for now... uhhhh later I guess...