Experiment X

Chapter 1: Who am I?

Standing In front of my dorm with my registration information in one hand and my black duffel bag in the other, I pushed open the door and immediately scanned my surroundings. Two beds were on either sides of the room, with built in wardrobes beside each bed. The room sort of had a symmetrical look to it. I stepped walked onto campus quite early for my first day; to avoid all the bustling, crying, and excitement of families saying goodbye to their babies that  finally grew enough wings to soar out of their nests, and I was quite pleased that my plan worked.

My roommate still hadn’t arrived. Sighing, I picked the side which had the window. The window overlooked the parking lot and the huge green campus having scattered trees here and there. I can’t explain my need to take the side with the window; it doesn’t have to do with the fact that I was nosy or loved breathing in the morning air, or all that cliché shit like gazing up at the sky to catch a shooting star etc. No --- that was not me.

My consultant concluded that perhaps I had an instinctive habit of being aware of my exits. She based her conclusion on noticing my shifty eyes upon entering a room. I would scan the room checking for windows, doors or any form of exit. She thought it perhaps had to do with my previous life.

   You see, that’s where I drew blank --- on my previous life.  My life is basically built upon these last two years since waking up in an old abandoned parking lot. Coincidently, the nearest building to this parking lot was an orphanage. They claim they found me on their doorstep unconscious. I was 15 at that time. You’re probably wondering how I knew my age, well I was found with a tag. You know the sort of tag soldiers go to war with, yup that’s the one. My name and age were punched in. A name without a surname, making me even more untraceable.

Name: Joelle

Age: 15

   My name creeped me out. Joelle. It ate, consumed and suffocated my thoughts. It was like a string connecting me to my past, but at the same time I felt like that string was invisible, untraceable, a hoax. It felt fake to my ears. How? I just knew, so I just went with Jo.  The police and detectives worked hard, day and night to find my parents but I was completely untraceable, I was like a ghost. Even a ghost probably had records, I had none. DNA profiling didn’t work out either. I went through so many psychological tests before being put up for for adoption.  The tests proved I was stable and not damaged. I was declared sane, and normal. But deep down I knew I was far from normal, if only they knew how numb.

I only started living once I got adopted by the Hunters. They are wonderful people that took me in with open arms. I don’t understand how people can give love so freely, it confused me to no end. But Tom and Emma were the best adoptive parents I could ask for. I don’t think I held any emotional feelings for them as much as they held for me, but I had no room for feelings. I had to learn everything from scratch starting from ABC, but I was a fast learner, after a month of homeschooling to bring me up to standards, I was ready for junior year.

   In high school I purposely kept everyone at arm’s length. I trusted no one, and had no friends. I didn’t come to school for the making of friends, my aim was to graduate and move on with my life. No one bothered me by bullying or anything, even teachers kept a wary eye on me, for I had a non-smiling, crude personality. School was easy for me, I surprisingly got straight A’s until I graduated, but I had a tingling feeling this was all just the beginning.

   After graduating I started applying to colleges, and found my calling in criminal law. I applied for a scholarship and was accepted immediately. Now here I am, in the National Law University, and still having no idea who I was. I was diagnosed with a high degree of retrograde amnesia.  Doctors themselves seem to have no idea what exactly happened to my brain that made me unable to remember the first 15 years of my life.

The most extreme cases of amnesia are such that patients are unable to remember details of their life, perhaps a maximum of one year prior to their accident, but then again I came with no physical damage. Not even a scratch. I came fully healthy with not even breathing problems. Perhaps I was a fallen angel from above or a mythical creature like a demi-god sent from above with a prophecy to complete, that was just a dream and a wish, for this was real life, and it was up to me to sit back and let my life play before me. Study, marry, obey the law, have kids and live the American dream, or wake up and try to solve the mystery of my first 15 years of my life.

   Just then the door to the dorm opened, and in came a bustling cheery girl who looked 12, having the kind of baby face I always hated on people.

   “Hey,” she said, “You must be my new roommate,” she concluded as she took in my 5 foot 9 frame as I casually laid on my bed. My whole wardrobe consisted of black jeans and white tees, and I had a couple of black leather jackets, so I knew what she saw.

   “Hi, you must be Amanda. I’m Jo, nice to meet you,” I said, trying to smile a little. It probably came out as a grimace.

   “Yup, nice to meet you too. I’m so excited! Ohemgee! This has always been my dream…” she sighed as she flopped on her bed. “I can’t believe I’m here at last! Aren’t you excited?!”

   Without giving me the chance to answer, she ranted on with her extremely high pitched voice on how she couldn’t wait to join the universities cheerleading squad and so on.

   “Yay you,” I said, uninterested, trying to block out her voice.

   She seemed like a nice girl. I did a little background check on her, the night before by sneaking into the administration.  They really had poor security, I mused. And how careless of Amanda, to not quiz me on how I know her name.

Carelessness is what leads to your downfall.

What the hell? Where did that come from? Whatever, I was used to voices speaking in my head. At times a trigger causes them. Perhaps it was a voice from my past? Maybe it’s my dad? Or boss? Or? ...or? ... I don’t even know. I hope my frustration doesn’t leadto my downfall, I thought with a smirk.

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Picture on the right : Jo