waiting on a friend [supernatural]

noah's essay

I've always believed there's more to learn from people than from books.
After all, they're the ones to write them, aren't they?

Every little thing we know, we know because people discovered it.

I'm totally sure we can learn a lot more by really getting to know people, than reading hundreds and thousands of books.

The thing is, there are books that had been written many times before and there are people you met many times before. They might be pleasant to read but, once you get to the end, get to know everything, you haven't gotten to discover anything that's new, anything really surprising.

There are also books that are weird, chaotic. They don't usually catch your eye, but one thing they do manage to do, is, if you halfheartedly start reading them, you don't stop, not until you've read the very last word.

And once you did, you just don't forget about that one story when you read another one's prologue, or the one that follows.

I think people can be like that, too, sometimes. And if you get lucky enough to get to know them, you don't ever forget about them.

The first thing I knew about Dean, is he's one of the cool guys. The ones that pretend to be though and all grown up, and sit on the back of the class and don't pay attention to the lesson because they don't really care about anything.

That's the prologue, let's say.
I introduce to you the main character as everybody sees him, as he thinks everybody sees him.
And there's nothing in this that really makes you all interested in my story.

But like I said, these are the books, and the people, that don't catch your eye.

The second thing I knew about Dean, is he gets panic attacks. The really bad kind, the kind that makes you pass out in the school restroom and gets you sent to the hospital.

Odd, right? It sure is curious, because, who would have guessed?
It tickles your interest and makes you want to know more, doesn't it?

That's, at least, how it worked for me.
I want to know more, I like to discover new things, so as soon as something that even vaguely sounds appealing comes through, here I am, wanting to get the better view.
And Dean, Dean did sure look newsworthy.

It's at this point that we get to the outset.

It's when I get the smallest peak of what's behind the curtains that I know for sure that I'm never going to stop wanting to know what goes on backstage.

And it's hard, because Dean talks a lot  but doesn't really say anything. He jokes and laughs and grins all the time, but he has eyes that belong to somebody much older.

You never know for sure when acquaintances become friends, it's really hard to think of the exact moment in which the relationship changes.

I believe that Dean and I officially became friends while waiting together for his brother to finish soccer training. I was talking about Italian literature, and I knew we were friends by the way he, with totally no personal interest on the topic, was listening so carefully, and by the way he still remembers Leopardi and Foscolo as "depressed old dudes".

Friends care about what you care about, and Dean cares.

That's when we get to the third thing I knew about Dean, and that's he has younger brother.
His name's Sam, not Sammy.

Dean looks after him, since their dad has other things to do. He cooks for him, tucks him into bed, wakes him up in the morning and helps him with homework.
He plays the part of the mom his brother never got to have (who is the same he lost).

Dean cares and takes care. That's how he functions. The fact is, you're not going to catch him doing so. Or so he thinks.

He takes it as his duty to protect the ones he loves, doesn't expect anything back, doesn't expect recognition.

He likes to hide what's good about him so people don't get close and likes to hide what's wrong with him so people don't get worried.

Dean's confident, knows there's stuff he can do well, like chasing after girls and winning at every fight. He doesn't care too much about impressing people or what the may think.
And Dean's anxious and has trust issues just the same, because one thing that he does really worry about is letting people down, losing them.

I know that like I know he reads Vonnegut and loves telenovelas just as much he does westerns.
I know that like I know he's responsible and clever, when he wants to, and since I am aware of all of that, I am certain to have gained his trust.

I don't know why he panics or why he gets sad sometimes, he doesn't know either.
But that's okay, cause I like playing detective and I sure have much to try and figure out. That's good, it keeps me entertained.

I enjoy hanging out with Dean cause he's nice, he's good fun. He doesn't hug and he doesn't do "touchy feely" moments, but he listens and he teases and he makes you laugh.

He's fascinating: once you get to the middle of the book, you don't stop reading.

He's so complex it's beyond his own comprehension, and even when you get to end of the book, even when you've closed it, you keep reading.
Keep thinking about it, keep realising there's bits you didn't pay enough attention to, keep analyzing the meaning of some passages.

I believe there can be more to learn from people than from books.

I never wrote about it before, because I'm timorous of what would happen if somebody read it.

Would they agree? Would they understand my point from the way I explained it?

I'm insecure, I'm too scared of what my words written in ink can be.

But here I am, writing down whatever is running through my mind, waiting for it to be read and judged.

And if I have to thank someone for helping me overcome my fear, that's my family and friends, that's Dean.

Which kind of confirms my point, makes me put the pen down and leave you trying to figure out what kind of person really is Dean and if what I explained makes sense for you or if it doesn't at all.

That's fine, I'll be doing the same.