John Watson act like he does not feel attracted to James Moriarty

Chapter 3- John is sad

POV JOHN WATSON

James was so sweet for me. In a really long time, nobody did something nice for me... But then I looked at James and I saw his eyes became darker. O no...

"You little dumb, ugly, failed Johnnie-boy," James said.

I felt so sad. James did not know that he actually broke my heart. I feel like my heart is tortured and broken in thousand pieces. I know I am worthless... But it hurts a lot when someone tells me that. 

"You are not going to make it John... You will be dead in a minute. Your fear will ruin you and nobody will help you, Sherlock is an egoist and yeah so you are alone." 

"How do you mean I'm not going to make it?"

Sherlock laughed.

"Are you that blind John, there is coming a war," Sherlock said. I looked at James who just nodded. They are joking, right?

"You guys are joking right?" I laughed. But they looked serious.

"Guys, this is not funny."

"I think it is. And all those dumb people will die." Sherlock said.

"Yeah, only the smart people will survive," James said.

"Oh, so when will it start? Then I can prepare myself to die..."

"You have nobody to say goodbye to, John," James said. 

I have a few people... But it was kind of true because I did not have a girlfriend or children. I felt really sad again. I could almost cry, but instead of crying, I tried to come with a comeback.

"So do you have anyone to say goodbye to then, James?"

"No, but I don't have to because I am smart enough to survive!"

I hate to admit that he is probably right. 

"Sherlock will hmm, maybe survive. But I don't think so, I will personally make sure that he will die." James said.

Sherlock laughed.

"You have to be kidding me, James, you can't do shit. I am way smarter than you." Sherlock said.

"Let's ask John," James said.

Wait me? who is smarter? I don't know, my feelings are saying James, my brain says James. But I am a friend of Sherlock right?

"S-sherlock?" I said hesitating.

"We both know that is not true," James said and he gave me a wink. My heart fluttered. Wait no. 

"John, why are you like this? I live with you for years and now you think that a stupid psychopath is smarter than me." Sherlock said.

"I- I don't know."

"Do you like him?" Sherlock said.

"I don't know him," I said back. I don't like him right? I think he is mean and not caring.

"A Johnnie, do you want to know me then? I can help you with that." James said smirking. He thinks I am joking right, well I am not and he will get it.

"Yeah, thanks, I would love that," I said grinning.

James was muttering to himself. 

"I don't have time, to be honest, but I will make time. In 1 day and 3 hours and 12 minutes and 33, 32, 31 seconds is the war going to start..." James said.

So he got me. He really thinks that I want to spend the last hours without war with him?

"James, you really think that I want to spend the last hours before the war with you?"

"Yes, why not? you wanted to know me better right?" and he smirked. Okay, whatever he wants. Or whatever I wanted... 

"Yes..."

"See you more at the same place and the same time," James said.

"But that is for about three hours before the war starts?" I said. I don't even believe that there is starting a war. Then I would have seen it coming right?

"Yes, that is the offer and it is then or it is never," James said and he walks towards me. I felt immediately scared. 

"Do I already scare you little Johnnie-boy? now you have Sherlock with you and tomorrow you will be alone. I can't imagine how scared you will be then. You will pee in your pants probably." James said.

"Ha ha ha, you are not funny..." I said.

"No, that is true, I am only funny when you are in pain," James said.

"You don't have a heart," I said.

"Better for everyone," James said.

"Not for me and not for yourself too."

"Why what is the difference if I have a heart?"

"First, you have a heart, otherwise you will not be breathing right now. Second, then you are capable of loving someone and being loved and that is a wonderful thing in this awful world."

"But Johnnie, you have a heart, but I am sure no one is capable to love you, so you will never be loved."

I got a lump in my throat, this hurts me so much, I could cry... This man is hurting my feelings so much. I can't. Sometimes I wonder if it was better if I was dead. The best thing would be if they shot my when I was a soldier. I don't want to be here anymore... 

John walked with his head down and tears falling outside without saying goodbye. He was broken.