Nikki:
Every morning I wake up like clockwork and check the bed. Just check to see if she is still there. I can never apologise enough, repent enough for my actions, but I pray that if I work hard enough she will be able to trust me again. Like she did before. I know that I need to come to terms with what I did before we can fully move on, but more importantly than that, I need be comfortable in myself. I can’t be afraid of what I am or what I feel. I need to be fearless like her.
I feel so lucky to have found someone who loves me like this, and who had forced me to face my true feelings. Now though. I think I’ve ruined it. We were meant to be. I have honestly never loved someone as much as I loved her. My whole being aches without her beside me, not being able to wake up next to her, not being able to see her beautiful face. I feel so alone now. Alone and exposed.
Everyone knows what I did. I can’t change that.
But she must know how unbelievably sorry I am, and how out of character it is for me. Before now I wouldn’t have thought myself capable of this kind of hurt. I’ve tried calling and texting, going to her flat. She won’t see me. She hates me.
I try to keep my head down at work, but seeing her sister everyday breaks me. Not a civil word passes her lips either which does not help. I’m trying though. Trying to be a better person. Trying to move on. Most of all though I want to be able to try to be a better partner, to be the partner my dearest Vix deserves.
I will win her back. I will. I just need to show her that she can trust me again.
Vix:
I don’t know what to think. I thought she loved me, and seeing her today at school just reminded me of how much I miss her. According to Simon she asks after me everyday, and she avoids having anything to do with him, Hector. Apparently she barely speaks to him even in front of the kids. I just wish it was that easy. That she could promise to not have anything to do with him and everything could go back to how it was, but it can’t.
I knew she wasn’t comfortable everyone knowing about us, but I pushed and pushed.
Could I ever trust her again?
Would she ever betray me again?
Did she really want to marry me, or was I just a phase?
Everything has moved and changed so quickly, but I can’t help myself. I am impulsve and confident in myself and my feelings. She isn’t like me in that way. She is confident and outgoing in other ways.
She is beautiful.
Strong.
Afraid.
But I am broken. I need to get away. From her. From Sue. From Hector and Simon. But I need closure too
