The Feline

Author's note

I know it's been almost a month since I last updated. And I won't give you excuses as to why I hadn't been updating. I just wasn't able to. I just couldn't.

My own home, is a battle field. I feel like my dad and my mom teamed up and went against me. And I just can't take it anymore. I barely tolerate them now, my little brother is the only exception. My dad gets mad at every single thing I do, my mom is damn annoying and bitchy towards me, and I feel like shit. Because I could be doing drugs and become an addict, I could be an alcoholic, I could get pregnant, I could be in jail; I could do tons of shit that would get them disappointed.

But I don't. The mistakes I make are normal, bearable. They are mistakes even the president would do on normal days. And I have no idea of what they want from me, or what they expect me to do or be.

School's the same thing. Abusive teachers complaining all the day, bossing around and giving us shit loads of homework. My friends, who I consider family, the ones who I have been more than eleven years with, are distancing away from me.

And it hurts.

Because I love them to death and back. And I always tell them that, I always show them I do. I am always there with, and for, them when they need me or require anything. I always say goodbye to them, even if it means I have to go all the way around the school to find them, and I say hello. I always talk to them when they need me, or if they just want to talk casually. If they need someone to hold them and tell them everything's going to be fine, I'm the one with her arms around them and whispering soothing words. If they need an advice in anything, I try my best to give them the right one. If they need anything, I literally run for it. They gave me the title of 'The Mom of the Little Chickens', because of all this. But I am not the only one. Most of them, the ones I care about more, call another blonde bitch like that. And it breaks my heart.

And me. It's breaking me.

I am at my breaking point. The cracks in me are getting bigger and wider, the imperfections are getting more prominent in me, showing me why they don't care enough. And I'm holding into everything that is worth holding for. I am holding onto this book, I am holding onto Wattpad, and I am holding onto you guys.

But I need someone to tell me that everything will be fine. I need someone to hold me while they whisper soothing words into my ear in my moments of doubt. I need someone who will be there for me when I need it. I need someone who I can talk to without them making me insecure or making me doubt if I am disturbing them. I need someone who I can talk freely to, and without any doubts. I need someone who can hug me tight without any doubt, and just because they want to have me in their arms. I need someone who truly loves me and has no doubt of telling me that every day or second. I need someone who will stay by my side no matter what I do or say. I need someone who accepts me, and the way I am. I need someone who won't judge me even if I talk about crazy shit. I need someone who stays with me and my mood swings. I need someone who calms me down when I'm mad or sad. I need someone who just by seeing them, brings a smile to my face because I know that they really do care about me.

I need someone to be my rock.

Because the people I love with my entire heart, don't have the will or the wish to do it.

But we don't always get what we want, do we?

So, yeah. I'll just have to hold in to everything I can. I'll hold on to you guys.

I'm sorry I didn't update, and I'm sorry if you thought this was an update and I disappointed you. I will do my best to update between the next two days, but I make no promises. I'm already working on the next chapter though, so don't worry:)

Anyways, I just hope things get better. Because it is really hard to be strong and to not just let it go. It's hard, but I'll try my best to stay strong. I love you guys, you have made me happy in hard times. And I hope you don't give up on this book or in me.

I love you guys. -Laura.