Senior Year - year for tears, facing the fears, finding out to whom we are close and to whom we don't, having our lasts but also gets us to get ready for some firsts, but most importantly everything changes.
My name is Arnold; I'm bisexual but no one in my family even my closest friends knows that I'm bisexual. Well I'm not exactly soft in which I would drool over men and boys, I am trying to change that, and now here I am somewhat confused on my sexuality. Now, I can consider myself bisexual, because I'm starting to like girls. I have to admit they are hot and so much more my type. Everything was so in place and so is she. Her name is Claudine, and for some reason she changed me, she really did changed me. We both started as friends and everything was casual between the both of us. But not for me, whenever she's near my heart starts to beat uncontrollably and my stomach is filled with butterflies. Whenever I see her, everything slows down and everything is black is white except her. She stands apart from the crowd and whenever she touches my hand or even just calling my name, it's like candy in my ears.
Walking around the school halls, stopping by my locker to get my books, and finally went inside the classroom. Seeing her, she waved her hand smiling like an angel in front of my eyes. "Hey Arnold," she greeted me as I was taking my seat next to her. As I sat down, she began telling stories on how her weekend was spent and how she was unable to text me because she was too busy spending her weekend "wisely". I didn't notice I was too busy staring at her features while she was telling every story that she can tell. That's when she suddenly snapped her fingers practically in front of my face and began shaking my shoulders as if I was still half awake. "Wake up Arnold; it's like 8:30 in the morning. Don't tell me you didn't have breakfast?" She chuckled as she finished her sentence; all I could do is just shake my head in amusement. It's so funny when in just in mere seconds I can drool all over her.
Classes were boring I have to admit but with her sitting beside me, I couldn't help but be conscious on every move that I make. What if I sweat too much? What if I held her hand by accident? What if she can notice everything what I was thinking? But my thoughts were interrupted when the teacher called my attention to answer her question. Luckily, I knew what the answer was. Break soon came afterwards; I quickly fixed my things and went out of class immediately without noticing Claudine's calls. I went in front of my locker and quickly dropped my books and slammed it shut. I walked fast as I can, not even knowing where should I go until I unknowingly stopped at the library. I pretended as if I was busy doing homework on one corner. But I was really battling over my head on why I am feeling this way towards Claudine. I'm gay well sort of, I'm bisexual, so basically speaking, and I'm attracted to both genders. But, if I started to like a boy just to cover up my feelings, then I would just make a fool out of myself.
It was already the end of the day, and I still wanted to avoid her. I wanted to avoid her not because I don't want her to notice that I like her, I just want some time to think. I was about to step out of the school when a hand on my shoulder turned me around, "What is wrong with you? You've been avoiding me since this morning." It was Claudine, and from her tone and her facial expression she is definitely pissed off, "I just wanted to think." I shook her hand of my shoulder as I looked away, "You know you can tell me anything, I'm your best friend." I stared deep into her eyes for mere seconds before looking away. I sighed but just held her face squishing her face muscles, "Don't worry about me okay, I just want some time to think about something." I let go and began walking away wiping the fake smile off of my face.
I went straight home and act as if nothing's wrong. My mom then called me saying that I have to help her prepare dinner. I went to my room first dropping my bag and removing my shoes and socks as I was going to wear my slippers. I then went down to help my mom cook dinner. While we were cooking, "Son, do you have someone in your eyes?" I looked at her with a confused face, "What do you mean mom?" She just chuckled and looked at me saying, "Do you like someone?" I was flabbergasted on her question; I looked away not her wanting to see my crimson face. "It's okay if you don't want to tell me who," I then looked at her somewhat surprised, but all I could do was shyly nod. I can see the gleam on her eyes and quietly squealed. I bit my lip out of embarrassment, but then again reality hit me, Claudine can't possibly like me back. My mother noticed it and quickly rubbed my shoulder, "She will like you back sweetie, trust me."
Night became deep and still here I was sitting in front of my desk wondering what should I do. I was bored and basically just browsing the internet for something, that's when my pen was starting to float over my mind. I grabbed a piece of paper and began writing something.
Dearest Claudine,
It's me, your best friend Arnold. You may be wondering why I'm writing something that is kind of out of my league. And yet here I am writing something for you. Well then, do you know the feeling when something or someone makes you smile all the time? When little things make your heart flutter? Or when you imagine some things that somewhat makes you happy? Well come to think of it, I have been experiencing all of that since the day you made me smile unknowingly. This may sound corny or give your hands a cringe but I like you Claudine. I never thought to myself that I would fall in love with my best friend. I never used my friendliness to be close with you; I wanted to be friends with you. But I never ever used that to have you for myself. It was a bit confusing to me and I was actually battling my feelings over you. I'm not rushing things with you but if you give me a chance I will love you more than you can imagine.
Love, Arnold
I closed my letter and went to bed. I hope she likes it.
I woke up with a smile on my face and got ready to school. I walk around the hallways stopping on my locker for some of my books. I was about to sneak up on Claudine's locker when I heard some giggling, I quietly searched from where it is coming when, "Stop teasing Brian." That voice, I know that voice, it only belongs to, Claudine. I sneaked up and saw the girl of my dreams leaning against her locker with the most popular boy in school playing with her hair. It crushed my heart into million pieces seeing the both seem to have been together now. I couldn't help but let warm tears roll down my cheeks. I crumpled my letter and threw it to the trash, or so I thought. I went to class trying to avoid and trying to really forget everything that I saw from earlier.
How can I be so stupid?!
