Numb to the Feeling (Camren G!P)

25

Camila POV

The air was heavy, almost as heavy as the day my family were shouting many different syllables across the dinner table because I had gotten a bad grade on my math test. Almost as bad as the day I found out my ex bestfriend told me she was in love with my brother, god I wanted to fucking scream, not because it was weird, but because they were doing it behind my back. The air was heavy in this hotel room,  I stared out of the window facing towards central park.

I took a cigarette, lord knows I needed it after all this shit. After she left I did a lot of fucked up shit to myself and to others, I guess I was a douchebag but I mean, whatever. I got into drugs and alcohol like any one broken-hearted girl would do in 2018.

I opened the window to let the smoke out. I heard a knock on the door and knew who it was, I knew what time it was, I knew what was going to happen in the next hour, was I ready? No, I don't think anyone could be ready for what was to come. I hadn't seen her in three years. I don't know how I would react if I'm being honest, she left all of us to "protect" us but that's debatable on to why exactly she did what she did.

The knocking got louder and louder until the polynesian screamed, "Mila I swear to god you better open this goddame-" but by that time I had opened it.

"Dinah." I glared at the brown eyed girl standing before me. She just laughed and walked in the cold apartment.

"I have the car downstairs for us, Z said he'll text us when he sees her," Dinah spoke walking to my bedside table and picking up my pack of cigarettes, to then just chuck them out the window.

"DINAH!" I screamed at her.

"Stop smoking mila, it's not good for the lungs."

"Fuck you bird nest hair."

"You did not just insult my hair... I know you did NOT just do that," the blonde said pointing her extraordinary long finger at my chest.

"Don't throw my cigarettes."

"Don't do drugs."

"Tuff luck."

"Tuff love."

Honestly I don't know if we were ever going to stop fighting, that was until Dinah got the text. We got to the black leathered car and I drove because, well because why the fuck in gods name would I let Dinah drive me? We turned the cornor and my heart skipped a beat for a second. There she was in all her glory, the widows peek, the eyes, the face, fucking hell I missed her.

"No!" I mentally told myself, well I thought it was mentally until I got a side nudge from Dinah silently telling me to shut the fuck up and just do what we came here to do.

I realized I had to do something, and when I called Zayn, he pulled me out of my haze that was, Miss Lauren Michelle Jauregui. When the call ended I prepared myself mentally and physically for what I'm about to do. I saw Zayn point, and I took a deep breathe and opened the door.

"Camz?"

-

"So I heard you were from around here?" I questioned jokingly trying to ease the mood. It didn't, she still stood there with a tear in her eye. Which, by the way is heart wrenching to look at her crying.

"Not the time love," the green eyed girl said just above a whisper.

"Too early?" I said with an uneasy chuckle.

"No, you're way too fucking late." Before I knew it, her arms were around my neck. I was in a bone crushing hug from the cuban, and while I loved how she smelled, I couldn't breathe.

"Laur... lo.." I managed to get out.

"yeah?" I heard.

"c-can't b-breathe"

She let out a small, "oh" and let go stepping back a little. I missed he contact, but she can't know that. Then I remembered what she did.

"I'm happy to see you. I am. But in the absolute most nicest way I can manage, fuck you, you son of a fucking bitch." She seemed stunned and hurt, her face fell a little, which hurt a little. But I had to be stern first.

"Camz I know I fucked up but I didn't know what to do and I needed to keep you guys sa-"

"No fuck you and your speech. You don't get to talk. You left me without any fucking warning knowing very well you weren't doing any help for us. So no, don't make up excuses!" I shouted at her. Her face was stunned and still hurt. Good, she should be.

"Cam-"

"No don't say it again. I fucking hate how you still manage to get under my skin even when I'm supposed to be pissed at your ass. So no, no nicknames." She stayed silent.

"You know how the last three years went? It went like this. Every night I would get my ass wasted, I would have to call Dinah or Normani or even Zayn to pick me up at god knows what time and I had to throw that all up. I started doing drugs two years ago, yep, i started doing cocaine because it was there when you weren't. I got addicted for six months and I was a wreck, I was never ever sober. One of those days in the six months I was on a roof thinking, wow I could jump and she wouldn't even know it." I laughed a little at the memory, it was more of a self pity laugh more than a "haha, funny" laugh.

"But I didn't, because Zayn showed up and told me your story. Which made me miss you more, but helped I guess. But, nevertheless, I'm here now a little high but still sober. Now, what did you do in those three years?"

She had looked like she was about to cry, or at least like she had blocked out most of the world. I didn't blame her, I didn't mean to just shoot it all at her.
i
"I-" She stopped, I don't know why, she looked as though she was thinking. "I shouldn't even be alive right now." She mummered so little, if someone had made a noise, I would have missed it.

"What?"I whispered.

"seven momths ago I was drunk, I was high, and I was not in the right mind. I walked in the middle of the street and laid down thinking that the pain was too much. To my favor, there was a drag race happening and the two cars came speeding up the road. Then, out of nowhere a girl appeared and got me the fuck out of the road. So, like I said. I should have been dead." She wasn't looking at me, she was looking at the car behind me.

"You shouldn't ha-"

"So you see," she talked again like she didn't even hear me, "we both should be dead. But we aren't."

And then we made eye contact and a single tear escaped her green irises.

Zayn and Dinah excused themselves by clearing their throats and getting into the car.

"Fuck it." was all I said before I was lunging at her, attaching my pink lips on hers. I grapped her neck and she had grapped my waist pulling me closer. Her tongue trased the outline of my lips, almost as if she was begging for acceptance to enter my mouth. I opened my mouth a little and she explored all over the insides of my mouth.

We had to let the kiss break because of the lack of air, but when we pulled apart, she was flushed and I was breathing heavy.

"Damn Camz."

-
a/n
this book is all over the place im sorry omg