The womanizer and the diva

Chapter sixteen: Scary Love

Quinn's POV:
Right now I'm pacing in my room thinking about what just occurred at Rachel's place. Ok this is all too much for me. Is Rachel seriously thinking that her future should be with me?! I mean I'm lucky if I even get accepted to college. These last two years all I did was fuck around. Literally, all I did was fuck girls I didn't even care about my future. Now i have Rachel and I'm thinking about architecture. I mean don't get me wrong I'm great at building things but ME. Quinn Fucking Fabray, having a successful future with not only a person who has their shit together but a person as amazing as Rachel. It just doesn't add up. The idea alone doesn't even seem possible to me. Rachel needs someone who can keep up with her, not only in her future but emotionally too. I can't just randomly fix everything that I fucked up for myself. I'm the type of person to be thinking about here and now. Not who I'm gonna be in the future...Oh no. What am I even gonna tell Rachel when she brings it up again?! Like I'll just say, "oh hey Rachel I don't think I would be good for your future, so maybe you should dump my ass now." This is so scary. What am I even doing?! I'm just abiding the inevitable. Rachel is so gonna dump my ass when she figures out what a stupid mistake she made in dating me! Sure I have the looks and the attitude but can I even deliver? All these thoughts are whirling around in my head like a tornado, until my phone rings loudly in my pocket. I jump in surprise hoping that it's not Rachel to say goodnight again. I dig my phone out of my pocket and see puck's goofy smile on my screen. I sighed in relief as I answered it, "Thank god it's you man, what's up?" I asked him curiously, flopping on my back in my huge ass bed. Puck giggled on the receiving end, "Why so happy to hear from me? Usually it's, "why the fuck are you calling me puck?" He said in a playful voice. "Trouble in paradise my friend?" He asked me teasingly. I groaned loudly in despair, "Actually its more like I'm the one drowning in an ocean while Rachel watches me." I huffed. Puck laughed "whoa what's going on man?" I huffed nervously "So I went to Rachel's house for dinner. Well more like her dads invited me while they almost caught us making out in my car in front of their house." Puck scoffed cutting me off, " That's it?" He asked me with disappointment in his voice. "Wow I thought it was gonna be about how her dads kicked your ass for realizing the Quinnster stole their baby's virginity." Puck chuckled in amusement at me. I groaned in frustration, "no if you let me finish I could tell you. Also dear god I don't even wanna know what they're gonna do to me when they find that out! Rachel is the only kid they have together!" I said sitting up scared moving to my door to lock it, just in case the berry men decide to make a late night visit to the fiend who stole their baby's innocence. Puck laughed while gasping in realization "Oh I get it, Rachel gave you the future talk." My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "yea..how did you know that?" I asked him in complete amazement. Jeez puck might be the most coolest friend I've ever had. Puck chuckled, "I was friends with Finn once upon a time ago and he freaked out about the exact same thing. Stop freaking out man. So what if Rachel wants a future with you? You're awesome! Plus Rachel's not that bad herself." He said teasingly. I almost barfed at the name of the jolly green giants name even being spoken in my presence. I can't believe he dated Rachel, he's even more a fuck up than I am. Well based on what Rachel has told me. Finn and I are not even in the same ranks. "Thanks puck, but if you even think about touching Rachel I'll cut your dick off." I told him seriously. Puck gasped in horror, "oh come on man not little puckster. He has so much going for him." He said scared. I smiled slightly but soon dropped when I realized I still hadn't picked out a song for Rachel tomorrow, "puck listen man I got to go, Rachel wants me to pick a song for me to sing to her on Valentine's Day." I said sighing. Puck chuckled "ok good luck pal, remember don't fuck it up." Puck told me playfully. "fuck you and goodbye." I said hanging up the phone putting it on my bedside table next to my bed. Great now I gotta pick a romantic song for Rachel. There's so many to choose from. God, how am I going to sing to Rachel when I'm so stressed out. I Just can't be what she wants me to be. Rachel wants to go to New York and I don't even know where I want to be in a year. I can't do this to her. I need to be upfront with her, I can't just smile and fake being completely ok while I'm freaking the fuck out. Rachel is always honest with me, I need to be honest with her too. I don't know if this is going to be the greatest thing I have ever done in my life or the most stupid thing. But right now I'm going to sit down and write a song. I'm going to be completely one hundred percent honest, with not only myself but with Rachel as well. I don't deserve her love and she needs to know that. She needs to know what she's getting into with me. I sigh while getting a piece of paper out of my desk drawer and a pen and start jotting down everything I'm feeling.