at the age of 6, you shoved all these ideas and thoughts into my head.
if you aren't good enough now, you will never be good enough later
if you aren't pretty now, you will never be pretty later
if you aren't skinny now, you will never be skinny
if you aren't loved now, no one will ever love you
but why should i, as a 6 year old have to hear those? you tell me i'm crazy when i say i'm hurt, i tell you you're crazy cause you don't realize you're horrible. i do not need to be 20 to know that you are degrading me. i do not need to be 20 to have feelings. so do not ever tell me, that just because i was 6, i don't understand what you're saying. it hurts me to know, that my own mother who is supposed to love me says that. and if my own mother says it, who am i to say that it's not true? you left me weak, you left me hurt.
now i'm 12, 6 years later, but still no stronger.
she said i wasn't skinny.
so i stopped eating.
she said i wasn't pretty.
so i went and etched these wounds into my skin, turning my body into a piece of art
she said i wasn't loved.
so i refused to love myself.
she said i wasn't good enough.
so i thought maybe it'll be good enough if i took away what the thing that they said wasn't good enough.
i am a human. despite my age, i will know what sadness is. it's the trauma you caused me. the pain you left me. the memories you gave me. they will never fade. these wounds will never heal. you took away my childhood. you took away my happiness.
you took away everything from me and me feel as if i was nothing.
