The brewing wind landed on Jhoana's face as she slept peacefully on Bea's shoulders. In terms of proximity, it was the most uncomfortable distance the captain can ever think of but, somehow, in that moment even despite the coldness of the wind, she felt warm.
Today was one of those days she sit in silence and drown in thoughts. Today, all she could think about was the girl leaning onto her as if they've known each other for so long when she's just a total stranger she can't wait to get to know. Yes, she admitted in the physical silence and her screaming mind, Jhoana was interesting but there's something holding her back from opening up to her. It's been years, yes. It's been years since she let someone break down her walls and she's afraid of someone who's single touch can break it. It's scarier because even in Jhoana's gaze, she can feel cracks on her walls.
She hardly trusts anyone, not even her friends from the team knows a lot about her. Yet there goes Jhoana, letting her break rules for her trust, letting her in the agency to look after her, letting her sleep on her stiff shoulders when she used to flinch in someone's approaching touch and every other single time Jhoana's become her only exception. She sighed at the thought of her vulnerability and on cue the sleeping agent woke up and got to her senses.
Her eyes widened as she said "oh my gosh, I'm sorry."
The captain tried to stray away from her thoughts about the girl looking at her apologetically and fact that the latter wanted to avoid her. She was nervous, she wanted to say it was okay, that she can just go back to sleeping on her shoulders but instead she just gave Jhoana a nod. The latter now shy because she thought she caused trouble.
The next hours 'til the ride to Jhoana's home was filled with silence, looking out the window, and Jhoana eating junk food. She would offer some to Beatriz with her mouth filled with chips but the captain would decline in her poker face, look away, and boyishly smile at how cute Jhoana looks with her bloated cheeks.
Upon getting off the bus, Jhoana struggled holding onto her plastic bags filled with pasalubongs.
"Akin na" Bea offered "I'm free of anything. Dami mong dala"
"Hindi okay lang" Jhoana lied.
Bea just shook her head and said "You really don't have to pretend you're okay all the time. It's okay" and with that she grabbed the bags from Jho who didn't react to to the captain's kindness because she became shy.
"Hindi maganda bahay namin, pasensya na" Jhoana said as they were nearing the alley.
"At least you have a house to call a home" This made Jhoana look at Bea who's all serious as they are across the gate. Jho was about to ask her what she meant but her family was at the gates welcoming her.
"Ma! Namiss ko po kayo" the sight of three women hugging each other happily like there's no tomorrow warmed the captain's heart. It's not a scene she gets to see all the time. Usually, the hugs she sees are ones that are paired with cries of regret, grieving, and hopelessness right after every war.
Unfortunate isn't it? Sometimes, moments like these are taken for granted. Sometimes we embrace something better right after we lose it. We embrace things, moments, and people all better through memories when we could've cherished them better when we had them in our arms all those times we were given the chance.
"Ija, pasok ka sa munting bahay namin"
The agent got back to her senses as she reached out for the mid-aged woman's hand. "Good afternoon, ma'am. Mano po" This made the woman smile at her courtesy.
"Jhoana, ang bait ng kaibigan mo. Naku, ija.." She reached out for the bags Bea was carrying "ikaw talaga Jhoana, mahiya ka naman sa kaibigan mo"
"No ma'am let me carry it. It's fine"
"Ma, siya nalang kasi, mapapa-english ka pa niyan sige ka" a mini- Jhoana whispered which made Bea smile.
"Hindi okay lang talaga" Bea convinced the two of them. "Tsaka mabigat po dala ni Jhoana kanina, ayaw ko po siyang mahirapan"
This made Jhoana look at the captain who was now shy because what she said came out naturally. She was not used to the sudden care the latter was showing her but she's not complaining. Caring in silence was something she admired about her.
"Oh sige tara pasok na tayo sa loob"
Their house wasn't big at all. Two rooms, a living area, dining area, comfort room, and a porch fronting a beautiful landscape in the heart of Batangas.
To Jho, she wants to have more than plain concrete walls with ceilings that leak on rainy days. To Bea, the surroundings, the quiet, the laughters of a family sticking together was the peace she always wanted- the home she never had.
"Ija, okay lang ba dun kayo sa kwarto ni Janel? Hindi kasi kalakihan 'tong bahay namin eh"
"No problem po, ma'am"
"Huwag mo na nga ako i-ma'am, anak, para ka nang sundalo niyan" Bea widened her eyes as she remembered the rule of identity secrecy. This made sweat come out of her face. Jho got worried too but tried to stop a laugh at the sight if the captain's frightened face. " Tita Lovel nalang. Total, magkaibigan naman kayo ng anak ko't espesyal ka sa kanya kasi dinala ka niya rito. Hindi nagpapapunta dito 'yan"
Jhoana laughed at her mother's statement to Bea. If only her mother knew why the latter was here. Bea looked at Jhoana smiling. This was the first time this happened. The latter's smile slowly disappeared as her heart pounded.
She saw another side of the captain this time. Jhoana realized the latter has been smiling ever since they got home. She talked to her mother and her sister happily. Jhoana wanted to stop her mother from embarrassing her in front of the captain but she'd rather have that embarrassment than lose that smile on the captain's face.
"Jho, titigilan ka na muna namin. Iakyat niyo na muna tong mga gamit niyo sa kwarto."
"Tuloy niyo nalang sa dinner, tita" Bea teased.
"Walang problema, ate. Madami pa yan" this time Janel joined the teasing spree.
"Jaja!" This made every single one in the household laugh.
Their bags were laid on the hardwood floor. The captain looked around and when Jho noticed this she got conscious and said "I'm sorry, we're not really well off. Hindi to kasing ganda ng hotel"
"I wouldn't have it any other way, Jhoana" the captain looked at her with a smile not as wide as ones for Jho's family.
This made Jhoana feel a bit disappointed. She wanted to get that authentic smile from her.
"Are you still mad at me for avoiding you, captain?" The agent asked honestly.
"Bea." She handsomely looked at the shorter girl with her trademark boyish yet formal smile "Just call me, Bea. We're not working so it's fine." This made Jho relieved. She's starting to open up. "And no, I was never mad at you." Jho can't help but smile this time.
"It's going to be a great day, Jhoana" unlike the past times she told this to herself, the captain was finally sure this time.
AN:
Siguro starting from now, medyo slower na yung updates. Madali lang kasi lahat sa simula.. Charot di nga. Daming kailangan i-meet na deadlines so I hope you bear with me. Here's an update kasi nanalo Ateneo 💙
Vote or comment your thoughts. Thank you and much love x
