Zugzwang

Chapter One

Vomit threatened to erupt from the back of her throat as she begged her brain to form a sentence. Just one phrase to break this silence. A word to slice through the awkward fog. His eyes studied her in minute detail, dragging over her body in a slow crawl of fascination that moved to her face in a slow, calculated movement. Wherever he looked, she burned hot like a kindling fire being fueled with reckless determination. Her forefinger and thumb found a loose thread on her jumper, twirling it out of habit. He noticed that too. She noticed his lightly parted lips, a blushing curve of rose covering ivory teeth, encased in a firm and defined jaw. The circle of his button nose lifted years from his worn expression framed by short, dirty-blonde hair that was calling for a trim. Then there were those eyes, now trained on hers and piercing with soft force only he could create. That green of summer grass or a parakeets wings or just an angelic hue, tainted with the poison of bad decisions. She was the first to break contacted.

He cleared his throat and raised a hand to rub the back of his neck in the way he always had when faced with tough situations. A smile erupted from her lips through an onslaught of joyful emotion. His expression didn't mirror. He furrowed his brow and gripped the door handle tight enough to hear the attaching nails creak under the pressure.

"Why the fuck are you here?" He hissed, leaning forward. His body language read as welcoming but his sour tone spat otherwise.
Her expression flipped to one of scared confusion as she fumbled for words.

"What do yo-... I-I came for- well I.." She drew blank. What was she there for? How exactly had she imagined this happening?
She had turned up at his door at 10:36 pm and expected there to be no questions, no hesitations, no unsavoury greetings. A fool. She was a complete fool and he knew it. He knew she was constantly in over her head. Forever slipping in and out of disaster after disaster. Oshana stared Straight back at him and genuinely considered running, pounding her feet into the harsh gravel of his driveway, all the way back into his small town and catching the first disheveled bus to wherever it would take her. She anticipated her aching limbs and tight torso would slow her down but at least she could escape this dreadful outcome. His mixed emotions dripped off of him and it sent her own into overdrive.
Run, she screamed to herself. If she had any self worth left she would abandon her minuscule amount of dignity at his door step and run. It was only as she took her first step back, to flee that she noticed her complete lack of breathing. She had simply stopped. Her light-headedness caused her eyelids to flutter and her knees to buckle. Her personal first warnings of a panic attack.
Rustin's harsh expression fell as he instantly recognised the warning signs, unwelcome or not he couldn't let her stumble into an episode. Carefully he rested a hand on her shoulder and brought her towards to entrance of his small house. A quick change let him swap a hand for a steadying arm and she leant heavily into him for essential support.
He cradled her heavy head, leading her into his cramped house, suddenly noticing every imperfection. From crooked mirrors to dusty lamp shades he swallowed and pretended it wasn't in such a state. Setting her down on his creaking couch, he gazed down at her and wondered what an earth to do next. How could he possibly deal with this now, after so long? Running a hand through his hair he watched her come around to her senses again, her breathing pattern stabilising.

"Tell me everything. Convince me to to let you stay" he demanded quietly as not to worsen her state of mind.
With a sharp inhale her thoughts gathered and she closed her eyes. Now or never. And with that she erupted into the story of her life since he walked out on it.