Suffocation
You don't just stop breathing when you're drowning, or when you're being strangled, not even when you lack oxygen. I stopped breathing years ago, the numbness though, it keeps getting worse. I mean it's mainly with my cephalic region, what i mean is; my head, my brain, my mouth.
It's almost like I've lost the capacity to express, like when I'm at a stand still I just really detest when something move involuntarily pure disgust. The failure to do everything yet wanting to do all, my natural destruction, my flaws, my nature..
I don't even cry anymore and when I do i turn it off right away, realization will set in, a 360 degree rotation, my internal starvation. The famish set a sale, and when the nourishment is provided, in asses I consume.
Alone
I feel alone. The darkness is not my friend, that persona of destruction. Small talk, an ear to listen, the means of distraction. Then that vacuum, the one that seems to want my company, it comes, with out a warning, no heads up always a complete stranger, a stranger I always welcome, almost willingly or perhaps willingly.
The trust in my du'a, my prayers to Allah. That is my struggle to breathe, with hardship comes ease, so I ask Ilaha for peace.
Ya Dunya Ya Ahkira, with you I submit to the Master, the gasp, the mum cries. Just think about the children of Syria, Ghouta. The ummah that's in distress, it makes the pain feel less. A speck on a shirt, the shayateen in my ears telling me no it's bigger than earth, that selfish child from hell.
Today I rest, finally took the huge gasp of air, my lungs filled with oxygen this is not my end.
