Love Is A Colour - Ziall Horlik AU

*Chapter Five*

Hey guys! How are you? It's been a few days, I know, I'm sorry. I've been a bit busy, but hopefully I'll be able to spew a good chapter for you.............Oh, great choice of wording Katie........smooth....

This chapter is dedicated to @alnima because she is queen and I am literally eating myself waiting for the next chapter of Becoming One. Go check out her stories, I promise you won't be disappointed.

*WARNING: Contains self harm, which may be triggering for some people.*

~*~Niall's POV~*~

I walked through my front door and headed straight up-stairs. My bedroom had always been a sort of safe haven for me, so I tended to spend most of my time in there. I threw my bag to the floor, deciding to do my homework later that evening. I changed out of my school clothes and into something more comfortable before plugging my i-pod into it's dock and laying on my bed. Sometimes I just liked to lay and listen to music,  I didn't have to worry about anything for a while. I lay there as lyrics to Amnesia by 5 Seconds Of Summer flooded my ears, I really could relate to them, except for the fact that this was about love. I've never had the 'pleasure' of experiencing love, and in fact, I don't really think I want to for quite some time.

'I wish that I could wake up with amnesia

And forget about the stupid little things'

I wonder if I did actually wake up one day with amnesia,  would I be able to get over all of my flaws that I've picked out over the years, maybe then I'd be able to live a some-what-normal life. Then again, no one else would forget, and I'm sure half of the people at school wouldn't mind reminding me of each and every flaw I'd spotted, and pointing out more.  

I lay on my bed and looked down to my arm, which was , for once,  not covered, leaving all of my scars on show. They were littered all over my arms, legs and torso, some of them just jagged lines, others spelling out words such as 'Fag' or 'Worthless'. I started cutting when I was only fifteen, that's when things started to gradually get worse. I've been bullied all my life, but then people started to get rough, that's when the physical side of it started. It was also when people started assuming I was gay. I am gay, but I didn't start questioning my sexuality until then. I never was attracted to girls, but I didn't really pay attention to that.

Staring at  my cuts made my skin start to itch, made me want to grab my blade, so I did. I walked into my bathroom and grabbed the razor blade from the top of my cabinet, sitting on the toilet seat and looking to my arm, finding a clear bit of skin. I brought the blade down and touched it to my skin, my body craving the release the cold metal gave me. I slowly drag the blade across my skin , watching my blood as it started to slip from the wound and slip down my arm. It was amazing the amount of relief I could get from just a simple cut. I touched the razor to my skin again, making another three cuts before standing up and washing the blade and stowing it away again. I then proceeded to carefully clean my arm and any blood that may of fell to the floor.I walked back into my room and shut off the music before proceeding to do my homework.

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Gah this is really short, I know, I'm sorry, I just can't focus on anything at the minute :( 

I hope some of you enjoyed this chapter and hopefully I'll have another up shortly for you guys x

Oh, by the way, go follow my instagram @/heartbreakhorlik, it'd mean a lot if you did, thank you x

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~Katie <3