Silent Souls (Wattys 2014)

Chapter One

Him

I’ve never been particularly good with the whole “romance” thing. I’ve gone through five novels in the past three days – all of which have been completely useless; all scenes in which the guy attempts to soliloquise his appreciation of the girl’s appearance, there is some form of speech. I mean, how do you tell a girl that you think she’s beautiful when you can’t exactly tell her?

Her

It happens a lot – my eyes travelling over to his corner of their own accord. One time earlier today, he looked up and caught me staring, and there was this gloriously painful moment when our gazes locked and I saw something in his eyes…

It was glorious because I got this warm feeling, and my heart started racing, and looking at his stormy grey eyes, even from where I was standing – behind the desk, under Mrs Hutton’s watchful eye, checking out books – made me feel something I hadn’t felt before.

It was painful because, the second he turned away, I ached for it to have lasted a little longer. Just a little longer.

Him

Sometimes, I wish I could talk again. I’ve never wanted to talk as much as I do now. I’ve never wanted to be able to form the words that have been on tips of my lips as much as I do now. The impulse burns inside me like a flame, and I’m all ready to let the words come out, prepared to see that smile blossom over her face, see her hair fall over her eyes as she ducks it shyly, see that look in her eyes as she glances up at me through her eyelashes, that blush creeping up her neck and staining her cheeks…

And then I remind myself, it’ll never happen. And that word – “never” – eats away at me like a monster.

I have to tell her.

But I don’t know how.

Her

It’s raining again today. One guy attempts to strike up a conversation about the weather as he passes me two books on neurobiology to check out. I try my best to concentrate, but I can’t…

I’m doing it again, looking over at him…

‘…right?’

I realise I haven’t been listening and snap my head up immediately. ‘Hmm?’

‘I’m boring you, aren’t I?’ The smile on his face fades, and he reaches out for his books.

I shake my head quickly. ‘No, no. I just…my mind was somewhere else, sorry.’

He attempts a smile. ‘It’s been raining a lot lately, hasn’t it?

My eyes drift over to the window in the corner, and I remember the rain yesterday, and the boy doodling on the window, chuckling silently to himself…

Focus.

‘Um, yeah. It has.’ I look away from the window. ‘You know, I’ve been wishing for sunshine all week. It’s been really dull in here.’

‘Who knows? You might get it.’ He flashes me a grin, fingers brushing mine as he takes his books. ‘I’m Kyle,’ he says, sticking out his hand.

I smile.

Him

Something hits me hard in the chest. A feeling? I don’t know which one, but whatever one it is, it hurts.

She’s talking to him. She’s never talked to me before. She’s smiling at him. She’s never smiled at me before. She’s never looked at me like that before, either.

It hurts.

His name’s Kyle.

I catch little bits of their three-and-a-half-minute conversation.

“I’ve been wishing for sunshine all week. It’s been really dull in here.”

“Who knows? You might get it.”

And then I have an idea.

Her

Kyle’s just leaving when I see the boy in the corner jump up from his seat and rush off into the Romance section; when I’m not working, that’s usually where I am.

He doesn’t come back for a long time.

Him

There are about fifty seconds until the library closes. Mrs Hutton, the main librarian, never shuts a second earlier or later.

When I’m done, the girl’s gone. My heart sinks inside me. Has she gone?

I leave the book on the desk, anyway, and leave, waiting on the opposite side of the window I usually sit at in the rain, hoping that she comes back. And that little optimistic part of me can’t wait for her to come back – if she does – because I can’t wait to see her smile.

Her

I lock the door to the back room and go back to the front desk to log out of the system from the main computer.

There’s one book lying open on the desk. I look around to see who left it behind, but there’s no one in here. It’s just me, Mrs Hutton, the quiet, and the dark.

I log out of the computer quickly, and I’m just about to snap the book shut and return it to its shelf when I realise it was the one I was reading last week.

Someone’s written inside it. They’ve underlined something in pencil.

It’s dark because Mrs Hutton’s turned off all the lights, but I can just about read what it says:

“You have no idea how beautiful you are or how brightly you shine.”

Him

And she smiles.

thank you for all the sweet comments! <3 and thank youuuuuuu to @payning who made the beautiful cover <3