Him
Last night, under the starry sky, I thought falling asleep with a girl – the one who’s been constantly on my mind for weeks – was the best feeling I’d ever felt.
But that was before I woke up.
When I wake up, she’s the first thing I see.
She’s smiling. Her tired eyes are creased up a little like paper at the sides, and her hair is dishevelled. Her lips are dry, but there’s a smile upon them, just like there’s one in her warm, brown eyes.
‘Hey, handsome,’ she says softly.
It’s at moments like this that I really hate that I can’t talk. I want to be able to converse with her like a normal person, and tell her things she deserves to hear, and whisper sweet things into her ear just to see her smile. I can dream however much I like; I know it’s not going to happen. It’s been years, and it’s gotten to the point where I can hardly remember what it was like to talk.
But I miss it.
She makes me feel amazing.
But it’s at moments like this that she also makes me feel like utter shit.
Her
‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ I ask.
He turns away from me silently. I’m not sure what about the gesture hits home, but there’s a wobble in my voice when I say his name and ask if he’s OK. I don’t get a response.
I shuffle a little closer to him under the sheets, tentatively wrapping my arms around his torso, pressing my front against his back. ‘It’s OK,’ I say quietly.
The silence that follows is filled with his shaky breathing. Eventually, he slips out of my arms, gets up, and walks away. And I don’t stop him.
I find him at the edge of the cliff. He’s dangerously close to the side. For a second – just a second – I think he’s going to jump.
I think about the waves crashing below, the spray of water as it bounces off the cliff-side…I think about the infiniteness of the sea, and the way it could just swallow him up in a second, his arms flailing, mouth open in a silent scream…
I don’t know at what point it is exactly in my extreme train of thought that I start to shake; all I know is that, in an instant, his arms are around me, all warm and strong, and he’s holding me tight, like he doesn’t want to let go.
In that moment, I realise – truly – that this boy has irreversibly become one of the biggest and best parts of my life, and I can’t live without him. There are so many things I want to say, but none of us say anything. The embrace says it all.
Words are so overrated.
Him
I take her to my place. After we packed up our stuff and I suggested the idea to her, she was all for it. I don’t know why I’m so nervous about it. I mean, I’ve kissed her a couple of times. I just don’t understand why the notion of letting her into my flat suddenly has all these butterflies fluttering like crazy inside me.
I’m not great with personal things. A perk of not having a voice is that you can’t really be personal with others, but it leaves far too much time for introspection.
YOU ARE READING
Silent Souls (Wattys 2014)
RomanceHe thinks she's beautiful. He thinks he's falling in love with her. He wants to tell her, but there's one problem: He can't speak. #87 - Story Story / #300 - Romance