hey sorry i've been missing so many weeks of posting but life has been eventful and currently i'm in costa rica but things are fine and chill rn so here! have an update!
11 -- [0325]
i'm sorry but i can't tell you, that life it makes me crazy
"Oh, jesus christ." Patrick is trailing Ryan again, he's chased him off the steps of the school like the handsome gargoyle again and now isn't taking Ryan's antisocial anger as an opportunity to fuck the hell off.
"Ryan, come on. I'm not high this time!" Patrick offers, as if that makes anything better. "I'm sorry, I swear I am, I don't know what to say to really apologize. I need you to take me seriously, just, please. One last chance, Ry. I'm sorry." Ryan speeds up his pace and keeps walking like the asshole that he is. "Ryan, please." Patrick sounds so desperate that it hurts and Ryan really can't do this anymore, so he turns around with one last chance as an excuse on his lips.
"Fine." Ryan says in a broken voice and the earnest expression on Patrick's face makes him all horrible and sympathetic. They stare at each other again like they're about to fight, someone's about to say something that they aren't supposed to, but they're just frozen and silent.
"Let's go, okay?" Patrick offers. He really looks properly horrible, these dark drawn circles under his eyes and a hopeless, ridiculously sad expression on his face. His face is the kind that says "I need help", that says "I'm desperate and I'm trying so hard right now", his eyes afraid, his face needing; Ryan's scared of what will happen if he doesn't reply to Patrick. If he doesn't walk and talk with him, where will Patrick end up tonight? Will the sunrise greet him or will be he frozen away somewhere in a world where nothing else can touch him? This is a last stand to Ryan, and it's up to Ryan to say "okay." So he does.
"Okay." Him and Patrick walk downtown together in silence. It's freezing out and the sun sets so early these days that it's somehow already sort of dark outside. Dark and cold; Christmas is now just only a few days away and neither Ryan or Patrick really want school to end for winter break because then they'll be lonely sad boys again and hopefully whatever emo conversation they're about to have will fix something.
Well, keyword being hopefully.
They stop to get hot chocolate because a distraction is necessary and it's too cold outside to not have something heating up their freezing hands during a conversation.
Sat across from each other on the bricks on the top of their hill that's covered in frosted, crunchy grass, Patrick and Ryan sit side by side like it's September again and everything is fine.
"I'm so fucking sorry." Patrick says, his breath a fog in the cold winter air. It's been raining nonstop lately and there's leftover pools of milky white ice frozen over on the ground behind them; Patrick won't meet Ryan's eyes and that's how Ryan knows that he's being genuine. "And don't say 'me too' or anything because I'm the one who fucked up this time, honestly, I am. I abandoned you for Pete and I treated you like dirt but you're my best fucking friend and in the end it comes back to you because I love you, Ry, I fucking love you and I'm sorry that I'm pissy and a bad friend and I'm obsessed with Pete."
"It's okay." Ryan replies quietly, sipping his hot chocolate. "Did something happen with Pete?" Patrick nods and this all makes sense, him crawling back to Ryan is just because him and Pete have had a falling out.
"I think he laced this weed that we were smoking last night-" Ryan's eyes widen when he hears that, smoking laced weed is the last thing Patrick needs to be doing right now "-and, well, like, for context, my dad bought a gun-"
"Oh my god."
"Yeah. Yeah, he a bought a gun and, well, he, like, shot the microwave and then I had to throw out the microwave and I went to Pete because, because I couldn't go to you..." Patrick's voice wavers and Ryan knows that he would've welcomed Patrick in the black frozen night and kept him warm instead of making him feel so much colder. That's what friends are for. Keeping each other warm.
YOU ARE READING
Far Away Love ࿐ Ryden
Fanfiction- In which Ryan is desperate and Brendon is hyper. Since Brendon is obviously incapable of behaving like a normal human being, he's assigned detentions after school in the library, the same library that Ryan hangs out in after school to avoid going...
