I almost starved myself to death 'till hunger makes my stomach aches more than my heart does. I see you in the corner of all the familiar places I stroll. And your presence, it remains even after you were gone. That's how it felt like since the day you left; the day we parted ways.
I deserve to be left alone while you deserve to walk away from my toxic zone. I was too demanding, too self-centered. I forgot that you are a person to be taken care of, not a property to be owned. I was clingy and immature and childlike. I didn't let you breathe until you decided you wanted freedom and asked for it. You gave up on me, and on us. I've pushed you away in the choices I made. I've lost you in the fear of losing you.
And now the curse haunts, moths in my stomach instead of butterflies. I never felt this sickeningly sad. I regret losing my true and great love. Everyday, it's a struggle not to miss you and not to want you back. I miss how much you made me feel so loved back then, how you locked my hands to yours, how you gave me warmth and comfort with your long arms wrapped around me. I miss how your lips felt on my forehead, how it burns on my cheeks, how it tastes as it touches mine. I miss how your stare could make such a weird effect on me.I miss your loose shirts you made me wear over lazy days. I miss how you made me feel my most beautiful despite my undone hair, bared face and chapped lips. I miss how you spoiled me with foods that I love and I crave. I miss every bit of you that my heart longs and beats for. I miss all the first times, all the best times we shared in those years.
And now every night, I wonder whether you're missing my presence too. I wonder whether I cross your mind in the middle of a busy day or on gloomy nights. It might be a self torture, but all I want is to reminisce our good old days that made us both laugh and cry hard, and crazy. I will never want to close that chapter no matter how hard the waiting gets. I will wait until the day you forgive me from all the pain I've caused you. I will wait for you until you're healed and ready, and I, changed.
