bloom where you are planted

lonely

I am lonely.
The kind of lonely you feel after you think of the person you used to be in love with, no, are still in love with.
And how they act like they have never even known you.
But you are so fucking devastated and stuck on them you compare everyone to them.
The kind of lonely you feel because you know you will never feel the same about anyone.
And you fucking try to be happy in other relationships but even just holding hands with someone who is not them makes you want to shower ten times because it feels so cheap and dirty and wrong because it is not them.
I am so insecure that I would rather stay away from relationships than deal with the pain again.