Phil Please...

" Hey guys! So today I thought we could do a..."
Dan sits behind the camera admiring his favorite youtuber and his favorite boyfriend make a video. Dan looks into the boy's blue eyes, the eyes he's always adored. Something was  off, he doesnt take any thought to it and stares at his white vibrant smile. The smile he has swooned over since DailyBooth. Phil takes a brief look at him, but remembers that he is filming. He turns the camera off.
"Whats wrong?" Dan asks genuinely.
" I got bored and I dont feel like filming." lies
"Want to watch a film?"
" Maybe later, Sorry." I feel guilty, I do want to watch it with Dan.
Phil walks out of the room, thoughts clouding his mind, unable to think straight. I need to get this off my mind. He walks to the bathroom, and carries out his last resort.
One...two...three...four.
He thinks what Dan would do if he found out. Fuck, he thinks. He thinks he is the most horrible person, no, thing ever. Useless, Unlovable, Worthless.
Five...six...seven...eight.
Dan knocks at the door. I've been in there for 45 minutes, he thinks.
"One second!"  "Sorry I took so long, I guess I got lost in my thoughts." He grins make sure Dan knows he is ok.
" Its okay, Phil, just checking on you, " he says grinning widely. " What kind of boyfriend would I be if I di-"
Their lips crashed together. Thats what Phil needed, a reminder of who Dan is, what he is. Phil enjoys the kiss, Dan is the most beautiful person he has ever met, and is convinced ever will. Dan opens his eyes briefly, he looks down to see what he thinks are marks, self inflicted. He pulls away immediately and Phil realizes Dan noticed. He is calmly walking into the lounge. Dan follows. Dan pushes Phil against the wall holding Phil's hands above his head. His sleeve falls revealing what Dan saw just a few seconds earlier. Phil hates this, he fights against Dan but Dan is stronger and wins.
"Phil, why? Why don't you come to me? I wan to help you, I will always be here."
Phil stammers, " I- im- Im inconvenient, my problems dont matter."
" Who made you feel that way! Phil you are the most important person in my life and you can ALWAYS come to me. I'll tell you right now, and later, that you are not inconvenient, you are important."
"Dan."
Dan looks sharply in his boyfriends eyes.
"What did you use?"
Dan lets go and follows Phil to the bathroom. A straight razor. 
"Dan takes the razor into his hands and walks out of the room. He finds a paper towel and some string. He ties the razor tightly and gives it to Phil.
"Do it."
Phil looks at the wad of paper and metal and throws it harshly into the toilet. Phil hesitates, looks Dan in the eye and gets rid of the wretched object.
"Great start baby."
"Thank you."
"Come to my room and we can talk, or just cuddle, whichever."
"How about both?"
"Definitely."
The boys go to Dans room, Dan lays on his bed, Arms outstretched. Phil climbs into Dans arms. The most comfortable position in the world, To Phil.
"Im here. Tell me everything."
"Dan, I am nothing, I deserve nothing, especially not you. I act so happy all the time, but in reality im am no better than a dead corpse. Self harm takes my mind off the constant internal pain, and helps me focus on the external. I don't want to die, then everyone's grieving would be my fault. You are the only real reason I'm here. Thank you." Phil explains, choking every sentence.
" I never knew. Im guessing that was your goal. Phil you deserve all good things, it breaks my heart hearing you say, or think something like that about yourself. You are my everything, You mean the world to me, which means I would give up the world for you. Phil please, never say something like that about yourself, you are my perfect. I love you."
"I love you too. I promise never to say that again,"
"Or think it!"
"Or think it."