Alone

20 December 2017

"This will teach my pathetic mother" I mumbled out to myself but My thoughts are constantly getting interrupted by the almost sharp vibration of my phone rubbing against my exceedingly cold and numb thigh sending spikes of pain throughout my whole leg. But I resist the temptation to slide it out my pocket and check, I've stopped caring at this point. I continue to walk down the dark alleyway in the cold night. It feels like every new step I take, the bigger the urge to check my phone to see what the thousands upon thousands of messages. I resist it and try concentrate on the small things. The air of the night pushing my cheap zipper jacket back, it's just me alone with my thoughts, I don't think that's saf- "the Forrest scares me" were the words I heard almost creep over my shoulder, I hesitated to turn around. I felt a shiver down my spine in fear. I recognized the voice! I didn't know where from. "I can't just sit here and not answer, it makes me look like a ret*rd" I thought to myself. I took a gulp, filling my throat and I struggled to get it down; As if it was a stone. Eventually, When I got it down my throat, I blathered out "why do I recognize your voice" they sounded unrecognizable as I forgot to clear my throat beforehand. "Don't worry, you will find that out later. For now, I can't interfere" she said. I then stopped walking and turned around strong and fast. You could almost hear the wind refract with me. But to my surprise. nobody was there. "I must be insane" I shouted, and all I got in reply was a distant dog, barking at my statement. That dog is the closest thing I'm going to get to comfort and it hasn't even seen me.

I continued to walk through the path next to the Forrest. The confusion quickly left as I started to run in fear of what would happen to me. each footstep making me flinch, I could see the end of the path. finally my first sight of a lamppost, ironically lighting me up! I almost felt the light get closer and closer as if death was just creeping up behind me. I got up to my last two steps and latched onto the lamppost: next to the road. I tried to catch back my breath, struggling to move my lungs, searing back at the Forrest. I had so many questions, who was she, why did she leave, where have I heard that god damn voic- "oi, mate" I heard from behind me. I slowly turned around and looked at him, I hesitated what I was about to do. "well... do you have the money" he said in the most disrespectful and ignorant way, i scuffed my hands straight into my pockets awkwardly and tried my hardest to not look at the man. causing the money to fall out my pocket, I lent over to pick it up, and I looked up at the man. he looked like he was in his twenties. I quickly scrunched the coins into a pile and pushed them on my hands and then as fast as I could I stood back up and handed him the money. I tried to act casual. "you got the stuff," I said to him. he had his hands already in his pockets and he looked up and blankly stared at me, he looked back at his pocket. "you don't seem like the kind of kid to do this. what age ar-"

"16" I said interrupting him. I quickly regretted this action and realized how dangerous it was, so I cleared my throat and continued "I'm 16, erm... I'm doing it for someone else" I looked around in fear, I could feel the strange feeling of being watched, I couldn't tell why. I turned back to the man. and I snatched the drugs out his hands and ran and shouted back " I'm in a hurry sorry"

what the hell have I got myself into.... well I've already went half the way and I want to get back at my mum anyway so... I guess I'm doing it. I ran as fast as I could. just like an action film, recreating a song from the movie in my head to try to seem cool. I continued to run and run all the way back to me and my mother's house on the beach. the sand is getting splashed up behind my feet with every step I took. I finally get to the gate of my house. and I stop "all I got to do is make her think I take drugs, don't actually take them... I don't need to go that far" I muttered to myself quietly hoping the walls of our cabin like walls wouldn't eavesdrop. the feeling of being watched is slowly creeping up on me. I think its just hesitation

I rush through the gate, slamming it behind me and running in the front door making sure not to touch my mum's plants. I slowly open the door, and... the sent of the house almost knocked me off my feet, it was almost cold... and heavy. I ignored it and ran up to the back of the hall with leaving the door wide open behind me, "I have not been away for long so mum will be in her room" i thought, I ran to the kitchen and started to roll a joint, I twisted both ends and finished it off just before lighting it with my mums lighter. I started to walk up to my mother's bedroom, and as I got closer: the smell got closer and closer, it was like... dead rats, or like... out of date ham. I opened the door quietly and hesitantly and the smell struck me like a slap. I quickly hesitated to enter. I started to think to myself "she isn't dead, it doesn't smell like blood, what if someone else is in there, what do I do if I find something I don't want to see.." the thought of what my mother did came flushing back and I realized how stupid I was being. I slashed open the door making sure it slammed and made a hole in the wall. I quickly ran in and looked around. the smell was at it's worst and so was the feeling of being watched. I walked calmly in with my jumper over my face trying to stop the smell of the weed and the sickly-sweet odor. I looked up to my mum's bed.... and I was shocked, there was literally nothing and nobody in the room, the sheer terror of being watched was still breathing through the hairs on my neck though, I walked into the room and looked at the bed. and then I realized. you know when someone looks at you? that feeling you get, the nauseating kind of awkwardness, that you kind of have to look at them to get them to stop. even if you cant see them you still know they are looking. well... I now know where I'm being looked at from... it's behind me, whatever it is, I can hear it moving. I think it has some sort of.. trap... like string or... I hesitate to turn. I quickly turn my head.... to look, all I saw... was shoes. I am not thinking straight... I take 2 steps back to find... my mother had hung herself. I dropped the weed and it almost felt slow motion that much was running through my head, I don't think my life could ever be the same