The Unthinkable.

17. Honey, Lemon And Perfect Symmetry.

I sipped my tea before burying my face in my hands. I didn't want to look up. Luckily for me, Seth didn't appear to be en-route to conversation. He was thinking. About what, I had no idea.
"Athanasia?"
The use of my full first name made me turn to find the source. In this case, it was coming from Ren.
"You shouldn't let the past get to you like this. I know it's not my place to be advising you, but dwelling on the past, no matter what happened, is unhealthy."
I respected Ren, I really did. I didn't have evidence to support such respect, but it was there. He deserved it. At that time however, he was wrong.
"People died. And it was my fault. I can't just forget about that!" I hadn't even realised I was raising my voice until Ren shifted uneasily, folding in on himself.
"I'm sorry..." I trailed off.
"I don't think you realise how scary you are when you-" Ren began.
"Wait- People died? Who?!" Seth interrupted.
"The guy in the alley. Shiva. Jared. Kayleigh."
"Jared?!"
The steel in my eyes was enough of an answer for anyone. Seth went back to his pondering. Putting it all out in front of me like that, it was painful. The unexpected wetness on my cheek stung. The tear was filled with the venom of agonising memories and it fucking hurt. Before I knew it, a pair of arms were around me, and they weren't Seth's. An unfamiliar aroma of honey and lemon assaulted me and I almost panicked.
"Sorry." Ren said quickly and tried to withdraw. "Hugs help me, so I just assumed..." I shyly tugged his arms back around me. Hugs did help, I just didn't receive enough of them to know. I felt his cheek curve as he smiled, although I couldn't see it.
"I get distracted for two minutes and you two start this again? Lord save me. I'll have to work on a chastity symbol if this keeps up." Seth grimaced.

Kesia didn't return that night, though Anna did turn up, albeit, rather late. I'd lost track of time as I lay on the couch in the darkness, the moonlight coming in shards through the curtains and illuminating some of the symbols on the walls. I had the sudden urge to touch the symbols, to see what they did. If they caused me pain, maybe it'd make up for the lives that were stacked on my head. I kicked my blanket off and slowly made my way over to the largest of all the shapes on the wall, and extended my hand slowly. My fingers were millimetres from brushing the fabric, when something knocked me onto the floor. When my eyes focused, I could make out two large eyes, a wide grin and wild red curls in the darkness, hovering over me. Two scrawny arms kept Leo's body from pinning mine to the floor. He was laughing so hard that I could barely hear him utter a 'sorry' through his choked wheezes.
"What are you doing?" I hissed, getting to my feet.
"Gettin' food." Leo mumbled, his head quickly hidden in a cupboard.
"This late?"
"I was hungry." He shrugged, his silhouette swallowed by darkness. He took something from the kitchen and stood dead still, like a deer in the headlights. The moonlight gave me a perfect view of his figure. He was wearing nothing but a skimpy pair of boxers, which left nothing to the imagination. I was repulsed by the realisation that he had literally been on top of me, wearing that, only moments ago, but repulsion was quickly replaced by curiosity. The pale celestial glow bathed his torso, two puckered scars on his chest catching the light. I wanted to ask where they came from, I wanted to know the story, but by the time my mouth caught up with my brain, Leo was gone, and the perfect symmetry was nothing but an image in my head.

My eyes were aching as the sun rose. My head was pounding, and my phone's relentless buzzing wasn't any help. Orion had been texting me non-stop, but I couldn't have given less of a shit. I cast the blanket aside, zipped up my hoodie, laced up my shoes, and left without saying goodbye. Now that Seth had slept on the truth, I didn't want to see his reaction as he knowingly stared into the face of a killer.