Manan- The Dead Me✔

Do I deserve it

A week passed by
Everyday Manik came to pick me but all the way I sat in silence. He tried to carry out conversation between us but I never did respond. Although I somehow enjoyed being with him but I always had some kind of fear in me which held me back.

As usual we were walking in silence. When we were walking I collided with someone. "Sorry." I said without looking at the person.
Right then I heard a familiar voice.
"Hey nandini..." with a wide smile, he said.
"Hey Aryaman.." Manik said as he hugged him. 'When did you come back from the trip?'
'Yesterday.' he said looking at me whereas I was in a state of shock from where he landed up here. He was my school best friend.
"How come you are here?" I asked as I hugged him.
"Long story..Will tell you some other day." he said keeping his hands in his pocket. "And where is Abhi. I was searching for him."
"Probably with Mukti." I said as I bit my lower lips.
He chuckled
."Oh yeah how can I forget."
"Nandini do you know.." before he could compete an announcement was made by the principal.
"All the participants of Musicana are requested to be present at the Audi room within half an hour."
I was least interested in it but then Aryaman spoke out.
"Do you know Nandini Abhi gave our name for the concert?"
"W-h-a-t??" Oh fish!! why the hell did bhai do that and with whose permission. Now I am not going to spare him.
"Manik do you know where bhai is?" I asked him.
"Yeah he must be in music room." He said
That was enough for me. I quickly rushed to the music room. "Hey nandini wait for us." Manik said as he followed me and so did Aryaman.
"Bhai." I yelled as I entered the music room but he was not there. Manik and Aryaman also entered the room. I was losing my patience. "Chill Nandini you can withdraw your name back." Manik said trying to calm me down.
Right then Aryaman spoke out,"But nandini without you lower dead devil is incomplete."
"Lower dead devil." Manik narrowed his eyes.
"It's our band name... the only band of our entire village." Aryaman explained.
"So you guys do have a band...Abhi did the right thing." now he was supporting bhai.
But I wasn't ready. I have gone through so much in these two years. I fear that I have lost my music and moreover I feel I don't deserve music. Music is a very pure expression of words and I am a bloody prostitute. 'Do I deserve it?' This question was haunting me. A final announcement was made,"All participants are requested to be in the Audi room with 15 minutes." I signalled Aryaman and Manik to leave and they did as I ask them to. I sat in one of the corners of the room. I reclined on the wall as the question still haunted me.
'Do I deserve it?'
By now my heart felt heavy. I was frustrated. I covered my face with my hands in order to control my emotions. Right then I felt someone sit beside me. It was Manik.
"Please Manik leave me alone." I said in a low tone.
"When you didn't leave me when I said you too then how can you expect me to leave you." His voice was so calm. "And moreover if I leave you alone I know you will start crying. I hate tears especially in your eyes." looking into my eyes. I too was staring him. "I won't cry Manik." I said looking away.
"In this matter I can't trust you."
I somehow felt cozy sitting beside him. The question was still haunting me but yet I don't know why only the presence of Manik made my heart feel lighter.
"Manik I feel I don't deserve Music." I finally spoke out and for the first time I shared something with him.
"Nandini..Music is for everyone...for good for evil...for rich for poor...for me and for you. It is an expression of words. Our music can express our feeling. Nandini it's for everyone." He said as he placed his hand on mine.
"But I think I have lost my music." I contradicted.
"You know Nandini...my mum died in a car accident when I was ten years old. My dad was always busy in his appointments and works that he never had time for me. I was lonely then music came in my life and everything changed. Music brought the joy in my life. It gave me fab 5, my family." He took a long deep breath. "Music fills the emptiness in our life. You haven't lost your music Nandini. I agree you may not have played since long but trust me you can do it."
I was somehow convinced with his word. 'Yes I can do it and I have to do it.' my inner voice said. I nodded my head and a smile appeared on my face seeing him. "Then let's go to the Audi room." he said as he got up and forwarded his hand towards me. I held his hand and got up.

To be continued ...

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Lots of love
Aaku