ISSUES .

ii.

The feeling of insecurity and desperation is prominent throughout our atrocious society. Insecurity: often caused by the envy of others by differentiating what one has to something someone else has. The very fear of being inferior to another. Desperation: willingness due to the absence of hope and existence of despondency. A mixture of these two elements has the strength to drive a man insane, and reveal their true vulnerability.

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Long jittery hands cupped the tiny red pellets, eagerly forcing them down his dry throat. No water was needed, as he has downed an abundant amount of tablets as part of his daily nutriment. He didn't even apprehend what the real purpose of the pills were, but he genuinely didn't care as long as he consumed those tablets instead of food. In an instant, his vision blurred, providing nothing but the silhouettes of his damaged furniture. Sounds of the gentleman's club next door of his rundown apartment became muffled, only making the sound of the low bass available for his ears.

Tiny steps he took, attempting not to trip over something. He resembled a drunkard, from the form in which he stumbled side to side, desperately making his way to the fire escape awaiting outside his cracked window. He squinted his eyes, because although his vision wasn't working, his pupils were still extremely sensitive to the vibrant lampposts illuminating the abandoned street. As he crawled out of the shattered window, lewd moans of complete pleasure filled his ears. Immediately a face of pure disgust found its way to his face, although he was not surprised considering the fact that he lived in the midst of a red-light district.

He carefully climbed down the brown rusty ladder all the way down to the icy pavement. Cautiously taking each step, whilst grasping the worn-down hand railing in desperation to not tumble over. His vision was still blurred and hazy, just the way he liked it. For some reason, the feeling of being drugged was exhilarating for him. It made him forget about the judgmental world surrounding him. It helped him, in a way, with his insecurities and self hatred. As if he had escaped into some wonderful daydream, leaving behind all negativity. Once reuniting with the solid ground beneath his feet, he felt the sudden urge to run. Just run, with no destination whatsoever. Run for miles and miles, leaving his life and responsibilities behind. Wanting to start over, if possible. However, the abrupt crave for exercise was another way to burn off the very few calories of the medication that he had previously consumed. He was desperate and willing... willing to put his own life at stake just for the satisfaction and acceptance of others. His physique was already petit and exaggeratively thin, yet he never met the satisfaction that he was desperately pursuing. He aspired to become dramatically skinny, skeleton-like in fact. In the course of his entire life, Taehyung had never met the joy and fulfillment that he was seeking.

He didn't know when to stop, he didn't know how to stop, and he didn't want to stop.

A few minutes had passed by in a flash, his fragile legs immediately giving up as his hollow cheeks made contact with the damaged concrete. Tears were forcing their way out of Taehyung's doe eyes, yet the boy wouldn't budge. Sealing his eyelids together with force so that the salty liquid couldn't escape his sockets. Once he had gained his own composure, he placed his large hands steadily onto his bony knees, somewhat struggling to get up. He had no fat, no muscles, no imperfections. His vision was no longer blurry, sure a few spots were a bit hazy here and there.. but besides that, his vision had cleared. The setting around him was unrecognizable. It was strange seeing shop-windows without pornography displayed on them, well at least to Taehyung it was odd. This section was a lot more innocent and pure in a way. On the contrary, there were still various sketchy activities going on around him. For instance; drug dealing, prostitution, vandalism, etc.. The night wind was howling loudly through his ears. The icy breeze was enough to make Taehyung shudder a bit, so he decided to find an abandoned place in which he can rest for the night. It was nothing new to him, as he had spent most of his nights in the homes of his multiple clients previously. His attention was brought towards a particular green-colored studio. With a simple shrug of his shoulders, Taehyung made his way to the run-down building. Surely enough there wouldn't be anyone inside of the tiny home, mainly because it was poorly taken care of. About a dozen locks were located on the front door, which ironically did not function properly. With a simple push, Taehyung was able to jam open the creaky wooden door. Immediately his eyes were greeted by a handsome young man. The way his dark silky hair complimented his milky white skin was incredible. Oddly enough, there was a overflowing bathtub in the centre of the room with him placed in it. He cautiously  approached the young man, not wanting to disturb his slumber. Taehyung gazed in awe, admiring and taking note of every single facial feature the male had. His hormones were bewildered, losing control of themselves. Maybe because he was a slut for men, or maybe  because the beauty of the younger was ethereal, but something persuaded him to kiss the other.

He leaned in closer and closer, until their lips met. A slight grin played on his plump lips, and soon he pulled away. To his surprise, the man was awake all along. Taehyung noticed the little pout that the other had and simply giggled to his cuteness.

"Did you like it?" The older questioned.

"Y-yes. Please, don't stop." He pleaded desperately.

"As you wish. As long as you are happy, then I shall be too." Taehyung immediately knelt down beside the strangely-stained tub and leaned in once more.

However, something in the corner of his eyes caught his attention. A gooey red substance was oozing out of long shanks on his arms. He halted as soon as the tip of their noses brushed up against each other. It wasn't just curiosity that he felt, but also pity for the male. He built up the courage to ask:

"Why are you injured?"

"I..." The dark haired male trailed off, forcing his tears back.

"Please answer me. I'm only curious." Taehyung looked at the younger with hopeful eyes.

"I... I slit my wrists w-with a blade." The other whispered, looking down at his scarred wrists.

"Why? Why was it necessary to hurt yourself like this?" The older felt a lump in his throat, tears threatening to escape. Not because of pity, but because of sadness. Sadness that someone could hate themselves so much, to the extent where they would purposely hurt themselves.

"Please, don't make me explain myself. There's too much explaining to do. It's complicated."

Taehyung remained silent, realizing that he too wouldn't be so comfortable explaining his issues to a stranger he had just met. He simply remained there, gazing at the wounded boy. Silence filled the chilly air as both men examined each other. Taehyung began to feel uncomfortable under the burning stare of the other. He knew he was being judged by the boy, making him feel even more insecure, if possible.

"What is your name?" He suddenly asked.

"Taehyung. Kim Taehyung. And yours?"

"Jeon Jeongguk."

"Why, what a beautiful name." Taehyung admitted, before cringing at his own statement.

However, his cringing was quickly brought to a stop when he noticed a faint blush on the apples of Jeongguk's pale cheeks.

Aww... he's so adorab-

His thoughts were interrupted abruptly by a pair of strong pulling him towards Jeongguk. The dominance of the other was enough to make Taehyung fall under the kiss and moan softly. He desperately began tugging on Jeongguk's white soaked shirt for support. Jeongguk's hands cradled the older's head and wrapped his firm arm around Taehyung's waist. He felt the younger's blood seep through his shirt, yet he was so caught up in the moment that he only paid attention to his new lover and himself. As if muting the entire world, the only thing that mattered was them and their presence. They both remained in their position, genuinely enjoying each other's company and warmth. At that very moment, both men found their happiness and satisfaction that they were continuously longing for.