Let's Write. (Writing Tips and Tricks)

Show, Don't Tell.

Show, Don't Tell.

"Show, don't tell" is something my creative teacher kept telling us and at first it was very annoying hearing that women saying that over and other again, until I realized just how little I do it in my writing. Showing instead of telling the reading is much complicated and yet simpler than we think. We don't realize it, but we most often go for the shortcut when we express feelings in our work and just straight up say what the character is feeling, without explaining how it felt and what it does the main character's posture, facial expression, movements and other details. 

Let me show you (see what I didn't there? huh, wasn't funny?oh ok.). This next scene is about a two warrior (a girl-Alix- and a boy-Seth-) who've been captured and brought to the king of the land they've been captured. 

                   The king was sitting on his red marble throne, his left elbow on the armrest and his right hand was playing with the big diamond-encrusted ring on his long fingers, he was slightly leaning on his left side, barely deigning to look at the Lord who was speaking to him. Bored, that was what the King in dark fighting leathers. Bored.
                   His face bore no surprise, no silver of emotion when the double doors of his newly acquired thrown (eight months ago, when his father died.) room opened, but he did straighten his posture and stopped making his ring turn around his middle finger. Everyone in the room turned to look at the pale messenger who stood in front of a small group of the king's soldiers, except the Lord who kept talking until the King lifted a hand to make him shut up, which he didn't look happy about by the way he furrowed his eyebrows and clenched his fat hands by his sides. The King looked at the messenger and only nodded once at him, letting him know he was allowed to explain the reason for the interruption, though he didn't look angry Alix thought from the little space between two guards who were before her where she could see the young King. 
                  "His Majesty," started the messenger with a trembling voice. "Part of the patrol found two enemy warrior on the..." He said and was pushed aside -literally- by the army men at the head of the small group. 
                 "We think they were the ones from the incident." was all the tall, large men said with his low and raspy voice, his lips slightly curving up as if he was thinking of what he would be allowed to do to these trespassers. 
                 Both Alix and Seth squared their jaws as the man continued to explain the situation, they slowly moved their feet for better balance, a better grip on the ground, even if they had their hands bound with metal manacles and couldn't see each other because of the guards standing between them, they thought of the same thing. Looking around without seeming to do so, looking for doors, possible weapons, how many people stood here and who would be a problem. 

Alright, so about this scene. There's a lot of description and information but also a lot of showing instead of just saying things. I would have written "The king was bored of sitting and listening to the fat Lord" instead of the first paragraph, could have said that the Lord was mad at whoever entered the room instead of the details on his eyebrows and his hands, could have said the messenger was scared instead of all the details of his movements, appearance, and voice, could have simply written "the two warriors prepared for a fight", instead of the last paragraph. 
I could have written this instead:

                        When the scared messenger entered the throne room followed by a group of His Majesty's soldiers and the two prisoners, the King waved off the fat Lord who had been boring him out of his mind. (He had only been King for the past eight months, due to his father passing away and he already hated all the politics, the smiles, and politeness of it.) One look at the messenger and he started to speak but the commander of the army unit in the room pushed him aside to explain, his deep voice matched his tall, large and muscled body. 
                       "We think they were the ones from the incident." He said and he kind nodded, silence fell upon the room. The two handcuffed warrior, Alix and Seth, knew how to read a situation and his one was ending badly. Their years of training kicked in in seconds; they started to silently and unnoticeably prepare for a fight and/or an escape. 

Shorter, it has everything said in the one before, but it's just the bones of the scene, there's no flesh or skin, there's only the bare minimum. Isn't it better to be able to imagine how bored, disinterested and emotionless the King is? How the warriors prepare for a fight? To write how these characters show their emotions (or don't show their emotions), how they carry themselves and their essence? I think so. 

My exercise for show don't tell would be to take a part of something you already wrote, just a part of it (like 200 words) and don't change the dialogues (you can add some, but don't take any of it away) and instead of just telling the reader the person is anxious, scared, mad, happy, show it. Explain how it looks on their movements, on their eyes and face, on their voices, how it feels inside of them. 

Until next time, 
Write on my friend.
-♥- Ellie - ♥-