Journey

#Room

Myself

To be honest, I don't know.

Everystep, everytime...

I still try to find who I really am. To know who I am.

I have a struggle figuring out which is which.

Which are the things that I want to be, things I want to have, which part or path i want to take.

I always wonder.

To step into the light , moving forward or in the darkness I stumble to be able find an answer.

I was walking at the sidewalk.

Feeling of having someone to talk.

Remembering how the world was cold.

Trying to train myself being bold.

I do not know if it is a part of me

Being so brave or its all that i need to be

Passing the last post light in the street

I stoped and looked to a stranger i was about to meet

A man with his dark clothes I see

His eyes were glaring at me

It made heart beat fast with fear

A beat that I always had that is so severe

I continued to walk passing the man by

Just like passing a lot of strangers, never saying hi not even bye.

I looked at my house from the distance when suddenly

I had the thought of "whats is a home?" sadly

Isn't all homes made to be a place to stay to make you feel happy?

Why does it seems like a prison, like a cage and you were a puppy

Is my life this so cold? Is it really this sad?

Or I just have them in my mind? That I don't have gratitude in what i had

I enter the prison like home, turning all the lights on

Put all my bags down and my coat thrown

I look around the house. "So empty"

There's no sound of happiness or even a single entity

I went to my room and curled up

I cried in pain till my eyes pop

Making my vision so blurry then slowly

It went to pitch black and fall asleep deeply.

************************************

I woke up , it's another day.  My eyes are still poped up from crying. I stood up and look at the mirror nearby my cabinet. Starring at a person, the brownish messy hair, the blue eyes , eyebags, smelly clothes, and dirty socks. It's funny. Seeing myself in this situation.

It's time.

I should start my new chapter here and now.

I looked at myself again and smiled. I had a scent of my stinkiness. It's time for a bath. I undress myself naked and went to the bathroom, turning the shower on and soaked myself with clean water.

I heared a door shuts, I stopped the shower and expect to hear another sound. But I heard a shout of a 28 year old man, which was my big brother who came to visit me, instead.

"Jackie! Jackie! Where are you?!" He shouted repeatedly

"Im here! In my room in the bathroom! " I shouted as I grabbed my robe, about to wear them until the bathroom door opens. I screamed and immidietly cover myself.

"William!! Freakin shut the door!!!" I screamed frankly

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!! " He replied with his voice cracking while closing the door

"Why are you in a hurry? Who's chasing you? " I asked while putting my robe on properly, this time. When I stepped out the bathroom he looked at me smiling. His smile where like reaching through the heavens. "Is something wrong? Why are you smiling like that? Your creeping me out" I added with concern. I really don't have any idea what is he happy about.

"I have two good news! " He hold my hand with both of his warm hands "I got promoted and yesterday Gina just said Yes to my proposal!!" He said

I was at schock. I was out of words and my body seems like it doesn't want to move. This reaction doesn't help at all but I can't help myself. He grabbed my shoulder and shake me. "Jackie? Jackie are you okay? What's with that face? Aren't you happy for me?" He asked. I looked at him with my jaw dropped and widen eyes.

I smiled then I laughed. I'm going to be alone more often. Now William soon will be gone. I will be alone in this cage.

"Of coarse! I'm happy for you! " I said and pat his shoulders . "Wait for me outside , I'll just change, okay?"

William nods and went his way to the living room and to the garage. Where his soon to be wife is. They look so happy.

I see the chains in my brother's hands and feet we're destroyed. He's free from this cold cage. It was replaced with a red string connected with his queen.

I looked at my hands, they're still in chain. I wonder when I break free.

I put my bra and a matching pantie on. Then grabbed my plain v-neck shirt and my black ripped jeans and wear them.  I sat on my bed to wear my socks and shoes. Then I stood up.

I went to the living room and outside where William and Gina is. Walking outside with them with the chains behind me attached to the house, the cage.

************************************

Months had past , and days have gone. William's awaited day have come. A day of joy for him and a day of gloom for me.

I was walking in an aisle of a red carpet

Seeing between me were people i even haven't met

I was the bride's maid so I went to the other corner

When everyone settles, we waited for the bride about to come out sooner

The piano begins to play and a smile from my brother shine

To him the bride looks beautiful and fine

With her white princess like dress holding a bonquet of red and white roses

He kissed his father's cheek as she grabbed my brother's arms, then all closes

As every step of marriage was a happy moment

I was there staring, no comment

When it ended, I look up and took my leave

Things are getting to me, things I used to believe

I rested in my bed and cried just like before

Like a kid who didn't baught the demanded candy in the store.