outsider | yoonkook

ONE

possibly the greatest feeling in the world is having a best friend. having someone to talk to, someone whose shoulder is awaiting tears, someone whose eyes twinkle with liquid from laughing so hard with you, someone who will care for you regardless of anything. love is a delicious thing. sadly, i'm very starved.

i don't notice my name being called until the kid beside me shoves my shoulder, and i'm not sure whether or not to shove him back. i instead just look up, as i do always, regardless of the situation, and whisper a small, "sorry?"

my counselor sniffles with exaggeration, since it is pollen season, and pushes his glasses up his nose. he sighs with discontent. i know he doesn't like me. i don't improve, i don't get better, i don't revive any 'lost soul' that they demand i have. "it's there, deep inside you," mom says. "you're just being a stubborn one."

"jungkook, please respond when i call your name once more," he spits at me with his nasty tone of voice that scratches like a sharp nail against chalkboard. i cover my ears so i don't have to listen to it anymore, but he just clicks his tongue at me and gets up. i shake as he approaches me. what is he doing?

his unwelcome fingers trail themselves down my collarbone to my shoulder, and he gives it a good squeeze. i don't like him touching me.

"jungkook?" he says, and god, it hurts so much. he's so much closer. the sound of his horrid voice resonates within my pounding noggin, and i clumsily and painfully fall into my seat with a thump. he smiles hard at me. "you're here, aren't you? go ahead, say 'here.'"

i want to say it so that he'll leave me alone, but nothing comes out of my mouth. i shove his hand off and when i open my mouth again, a guttural scream comes out. he's taken aback; his hands come up to calm me with more touches but i just can't take it and i run out of the room.

it's hard to say what happened afterwards, but i recall large men with bulky bodies but frail hearts pounding their feet against the floor as they chase me through the stark white hallways. the sounds drive me to a fit of craze, and i bring my hands up again to cover my ears. the sounds. the sounds hurt so much.

i cower into a dark corner where they can't see my lithe body, invisible under the shadows. meekly, i remove my hands, but i realize that my heart is pounding so hard in my ears that even if i tried i wouldn't be able to hear anything else.

hot tears travel down my cheeks, but it burns so so much that the back of my hand wipes at them subconsciously. it hurts. everything hurts, everything hurts so very much right now. i just want to be alone.

"yo, what ah' you doing in my room?" a voice echos through the empty room. not empty matter-wise, but also just precisely that, except it comes to whether or not the people in these white rooms matter. the voice was so lazily put together that instead of 'are' it said 'ah.' it bothers me. leave me alone.

go away, i say, but nothing comes out. i assume it's because my mouth isn't open at all. the voice sighs, and then i hear shuffling sounds. i scoot away aggressively from the new figure beside me.

"you don't gotta be afraid, babe. i don't bite." it pauses, and adds on, "most times, at least. depends on whether or not you gonna tell me the fuck you're doin' in my room for."

i don't know exactly how to respond or if i should even respond, so i just shrug and wipe away the new burning tears that annoy my cheek's gentle skin. it slides closer to my body again, and i decide not to move, only because i can't go anywhere since the wall is beside me. "come on, cutie. nothing wrong with a little sentence-ing." i don't feel like answering anymore because anyone who says sentence-ing is stupid.

"ah, now you're just bein' rude to me," it chokes out. i feel sort of uncomfortable and itchy but i keep sitting there, like a giant magnet is holding me to the voice. even though the magnet's power is strong, it's not forcing me to meet eyes with the voice. i keep my eyes steady on the ground, even as the voice reaches it's tendrils down my throat and suffocates me.

it produces fingers, that lightly attempt to lift my chin so my eyes would be trained on it's own, but i refuse. the dirtiness of the touch disgusts me, and i cringe, shoving away the caress. it sighs with melancholy.

"you hidin' from them?" it asks me with curiosity but also a bit of caution. it said 'they', but i already knew who it was referring to. i nodded slowly and very hesitantly, my thumbs rubbing against each other nervously in my lap. "okay." i hear the figure rise from it's spot beside me and for some reason i feel very relieved but also saddened. "you can stay with me 'til they back off. they never visit me."

i nod once more, and roll onto my side, falling even further into the darkness.

"hey, what's your name, babe?" the question is harmless in it's essence, but it still serves way for a wave of anxiety to rush over me. i stutter out a weird sound, until it silences me with a hush that shoves itself between my lips and down my throat. "i know you don't like talkin' much. i'll call you mouse, cause you're so quiet."

i feel a small smile crawl up on my lips. it doesn't feel good. this voice is making me uncomfortable. i don't like it.

"you just lay there, mouse," it says softly, in what i can guess to be a comforting tone. then, quieter so that the microphones don't pick it up, it adds, "don't matter much anyway. i talk to myself all the time."

and like that, i retreat to slumber, ignoring the sound of men's feet stomping through the hallways in search of my frail self, the pounding of the drum in my chest, and the soft snoring of the voice that is now sleeping quietly beside me on the cold floor.

i'm trying out something new right now, so please bear with me. i'm a relatively new author so i hope that you'll pardon my lack of ability in writing, haha. thank you for reading.