II.
When did I hold your hand?
I honestly don't remember if I ever held your hand. It was always you who hold mine. It was always you who reaches out.
It's 2:18 AM here. And while I was writing this, I realized that. Pathetic isn't it?
How can I not hold the hand of the person I love?
I actually know the answer to that. And it's even more pathetic.
I was shy.
I don't know why. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
But did I ever hold it subconsciously? Did I hold your hand without me realizing it?
I hope I did.
I love the feeling of your hand intertwined into mine.
Your hands are bigger than mine, holding it feels like home. I feel safe, that whatever happens, you'll be there to protect me. I have never told you this but because of that, I felt stronger, that I can take on whatever it is that's gonna come as long as I hold your hand. As long as you're with me.
You became my pillar.
Now I wonder if I should have told you these things back then.
I guess I should have.
I should have held them more, so I could have gathered more strength. I didn't know I will need a lot of it. Or better yet, I shouldn't have let you go.
Realizing that you're the first one that always reaches out, made me think of the times you fixed things between us while I was being stubborn.
I am sorry.
Hey, let me say one thing.
Can you not reach out to me?
Can you let me be the first one to hold your hand?
