The Heart Wants What it Wants

Chapter 1 - ...Was it?

*Please make sure you have read the prologue*

I'm just walking around my house and I plop down on the couch next to my sister and start snacking on one of the bowls of chips we have laid out. Suddenly, my mom comes up to my sister and I with 2 others trailing behind. "Taehyung! Vanessa! This is Anette, one of my very good friends from the women's book club I am in!" I stand up and nod my head as I put my hand out to shake hers, "Nice to meet you." I say as my sister gets up to do the same. Soon the body that was behind Anette's moves into sight. My face became flushed as I blinked my eyes a couple more times than necessary. Anette turns to him, "Oh! Sorry Kookie!" and lightly touches his back to lead him in front of her. "This is my son, Jungkook!" From the corner of my eye I see my sister immediately fix her hair, tucking it behind her ear, stretching her arm out past me, extending her hand and she practically yells, "Vanessa! Vanessa Kim! It's very nice to meet you, Jungkook! I'm so surprised we haven't met before!". My sister is painfully obvious when she likes someone, I actually feel secondhand embarrassment for her at times, but I don't blame her for acting that way towards him, he's remarkably  handsome...ya know, for a guy...I guess. Jungkook chuckles as he bows his head and shakes her hand. "Pleased to meet you Vanessa. Is it alright if I called you Nessa? Nicknames are kind of my thing and I believe it fits you very well." They remained shaking hands the whole way through Jungkook's spiel and I watched her practically melt further down with every word that rolled off his lips. Those lips...they were so unique in the way they formed each sound and...Jesus, um, nevermind. Nessa just nodded and couldn't stop. Jungkook smiled and said, "C'mon let me get you something to drink." He respectfully stepped back to make way for her to walk next to him, but just before he turned to leave he looked at me with these dark brown eyes and with the most subtle wink he went on his way out of the room. I couldn't move...or do or say anything. I don't know why. My mother raised her eyebrows at her friend, "Well they're getting along well!!" Anette playfully nudged my mom as she laughed beside her. As they continued their conversation, I slowly walked step by step so that Jungkook and my sister were back in my view. They were both talking and looking at each other with drinks in their hand. The sounds around me started to fade as I watched and focused on  him. His silky, chestnut brown hair looked too perfect to even touch but he broke every rule as I watched him run his long muscular fingers through his soft locks. His face possessed every edge possible with a cutting jawline and cheekbones. God, his sense of fashion is so striking with a fitted short sleeve button up, cargo pants, and suspenders. I can see the sweet curve of his back that seems like it goes on for days. Who knows what under those p-whoa whoa, what the hell am I doing man. I'm just sizing him up right? Yea. That's it. If he's gonna be hanging out with my sister he better fit my standards. I should probably stop staring. I'm getting a little insecure anyways. I brush back my hair, fix my tie, and walk back to my bowl of chips. Half a bowl and lots of thinking later, my sister squeals and continuously hits my back. I turn to her and retort, "What, what, what is it?! You finally gonna pay me back for that eyeshadow pallette you HAD to have?" Nessa rolled her eyes and groaned a resentful, "Nooo" she continued, "BUT! Looks like it came to good use because Jungkook and I exchanged numbers!! He's so dreamy!!" she sang as her face quite literally embodied the heart eye emoji. I squatted down a number of inches to her height, patted her head and droned, "Wooowww good for you!" ...Why did I sound so bitter? She gets on her tippy toes as I grow to my normal height. She mocks back, "Why? Are you jeallloouuss?" And I quickly reply "No!" and adjust my tie that honestly didn't actually need to be adjusted in the first place. Man, what is wrong with me?

That night I went to bed with a lot of shit on my mind. Why was I so fixated on that Jungkook boy? I mean...he's a BOY! God I can't understand what I am feeling. Is it jealousy? Insecurity? ...Lust? How could it be lust? I'm not gay?? I can't be gay. I kissed a girl that one time...I guess. It's a humid summer dusk and I can't stop tossing and turning. I flip once more to face my alarm clock. 3:24 AM, it reads. I groan as I slam my pillow onto my face. Even if I was gay, he's straight  anyways. Way out of my league too....I gotta get the fuck to sleep man. But that wink. That damn wink. Why did he wink? Was there something in his eye? Why am I overthinking this so damn much?? His other eye probably forgot to close or something. Because that wasn't meant for me...

...was it?